Jacob absolutely refuses the pacifier, but loves to suck on my pinky
Day 15 (December 14th, Wednesday)
Last night was my most difficult night. Jacob absolutely refused to be put down. It was never ending cycle of feeding him, watching him fall asleep, then have him wake up the minute I laid him down in the bassinet or on my bed. My breasts were hurting due to bilateral plugged ducts & I knew I needed to pump more frequently to resolve them faster. Pretty challenging to do with a baby who doesn't want to leave my arms! Plus my husband got a really bad cold so he went to bed early & couldn't help much. Jacob cried even louder in a swing (this contraption is turning out to be useless). So I found the solution by putting Jacob next to me while pumping & giving him my pinky to suck on (he absolutely refused a pacifier when I tried) while holding the breast pump attachments with one hand. There were several more rounds of feeding Jacob & him pooping twice in between. I planned to go to bed at 10 pm, however, didn't hit the pillow until 3 am. :-( Needless to say I am cranky & exhausted today.
I stayed in bed for most of the day since rest is required in order for the plugged ducts to resolve & not progress to mastitis. I also followed the rigorous breast engorgement protocol I did on my 2nd post-partum day with the exception of 5" heat application to both breasts prior to pumping. Then I used cold raw cabbage leaves & ice for 20" in between pumping sessions. I also increased my fluid intake. Plugged ducts occur when milk gets "stuck" in one or more parts of a breast. I was in so much pain, I started to think about giving up breastfeeding all together. Especially after my husband asked me if it was worth it. I have a history of recurrent plugged ducts probably due to my inability to succeed at breastfeeding (I've always only pumped, & the pump is not as efficient at removing milk from the breasts compared to a baby). It's pretty frustrating to pump only to have very little milk come out.
I called the lactation specialist & made another house visit appointment for next Monday. Jacob will almost be 3 weeks old by then & I feel like the consultation session would be a lot more useful this time.
Thankfully, the plugged duct in my left breast resolved by the evening time. The milk all of a sudden started to pour out allowing me to drain 3 oz of milk at once (I usually only pump 2-3 oz from both breasts every 3 hours). My right breast is still red, hard & swollen. More icing tonight!
Day 16 (December 15th, Thursday)
I let Jacob cry for about 15" last evening. He started doing the same thing he did the evening prior, refusing to be put down. I didn't want to stay up until 3 am again, so I let him cry while I brushed & flossed my teeth, changed into my pajamas, washed the breast pump parts & otherwise got ready for bed. It was heartbreaking to hear him cry, but I had physical needs that needed to be taken care of. He promptly calmed down & fell asleep when I put him into bed next to me & gave him my pinky to suck on.
My last syringe I usually use for finger feeding Jacob broke today. I called the lactation hotline in panic asking where I could buy some more. Thankfully, I was able to find a breastfeeding supply store not too far from me. I got "lucky" because my husband was at home sick today so he went to the store & bought a couple of infant feeding kits (each kit includes a cup, a syringe & a feeding tube). The lactation specialist also advised I buy Medela Starter SNS (supplemental nursing system) which allows attachment of the tube at the breast while having a bottle of milk hang on your shoulder with milk slowly dripping down rather than pushing a syringe plunger with your finger. So Shon got this kit too. I should be all ready for my lactation specialist visit on Monday.
The plugged ducts in my right breast resolved today. My milk output on that side has decreased by about 40%. Hopefully, I can get it back up soon. I haven't drank my Prolactation tea for the past 2 days waiting for the plugged ducts to resolve. I probably need to restart the tea again, but I am nervous about having a recurrence. I did some research on trusted KellyMom & found out that dietary supplement lecitin can prevent plugged duct recurrence by acting as emulsifier & thinning out the fat making it easier to pass through the ducts. I ordered lecitin online right away. I've also decided to pump for 15-20" instead of 10" per session. I probably wasn't emptying my breasts enough. What a pain! All this could be solved if Jacob breastfed exclusively.
Our Christmas tree
My husband surprised us today be getting a Christmas tree. Always the deal scout, he found a beautiful tall Noble Fur tree for only $7! With all the stress we've had lately, it's so fun to have something festive in the house. The kids & I are looking forward to decorating the tree tomorrow.
I received a letter from my clinic about being laid off, just as I expected, since I passed on a full-time position last week. I am slightly relieved since I now have an excuse to take a job break for 6-12 months (with the exception of my once a week per diem hospital nursing job) to spend more time with Jacob & my other 2 children prior to looking for a new Nurse Practitioner job. Plus it's easier to focus on breastfeeding when I don't have to work 4 days a week.
I had another massage & chiropractic treatment today. What a night & day difference compared to 2 weeks ago! I remember being in so much discomfort then, I moved very slowly & almost cried during the adjustments.
Day 17 (December 16th, Friday)
A small miracle happened last night. Jacob slept from 12:30 am until 6:30 am! He didn't even wake me up in the morning. I woke up feeling unusually well rested. When I looked at the clock, I couldn't believe it was 6:30 am. The first thing I thought was, "He must be starving!" Jacob continued sleeping through my 30" pumping session. My breasts were overflowing with milk & felt very uncomfortable. I pumped a record 5 oz at once! I then woke Jacob up by changing his diaper. He continued sleeping for the rest of the day (with the exception of waking up briefly to eat every 3 hours). He was awake for about 30" in the afternoon & that was it. This is so refreshing after 2 days of barely having any time to myself because Jacob refused to be put down.
Sophia's 1st haircut
The little girl had to be bribed not with one, but two lollipops!
I had a good productive day today. Besides keeping up with my pumping sessions every 2 hours, I took our dog Sammy to the grooming salon in the morning. I also took Sophia for her 1st haircut at noon. She did pretty well after I bribed her with 2 lollipops I brought along with me. She only cried when the hairdresser blow dried her hair (I would too if I've never used a blow dryer before). Sophia got a necklace & My First Haircut card with a few locks of her hair. She was very proud of herself after all was finished.
I took a walk outside today. It was a beautiful warm day, so my toy poodle Maxie & I walked for about 20" (my first walk outside for the past 2 months). I did ok with the exception of my achy pubic area.
My two adorable assistants
Our Christmas tree all decorated
The biggest accomplishment was decorating our Christmas tree. The kids helped in the beginning & then I asked my husband to play with them so I could finish decorating the tree all by myself. I am very protective of the fragile Christmas ornaments so the fewer hands are handling them the better. Decorating took the last ounce of energy I had for the day, but it made me & the kids happy to have a beautiful fragrant Christmas tree in the house.
Gerritt giving Sophia a piggyback ride
I didn't make any attempts to latch Jacob on the breast today probably because I enjoyed having him sleep for most of the day. It was nice to get out of the house & do "normal" things. Exlusive breastfeeding would be a full-time job. Sometimes I am very tempted to try a bottle so someone else can take over the feedings. Perhaps in a few weeks...
Days 18 & 19 (December 17th & 18th, Saturday & Sunday)
Our toy poodle Maxie can be easily mistaken for one of the stuffed toys
With our nanny being off this weekend, all hell broke loose. Both Sophia & Gerritt refused to eat what was served at breakfast & lunch & then took over 2 hours to fall asleep for naps & at bedtime. Lots of crying, screaming, temper tantrums & frustration. With me pumping & finger feeding Jacob around the clock, most of the previously done by me childcare tasks were transferred to my husband. He doesn't tend to negotiate & doesn't have the same degree of patience that I do, so the kids rebelled. The whole family is going through a major adjustment phase. It seems that all we do is yell & reprimand the kids. :-(
Our cutie pie in one of his rare awake moments
Bedtime is the most difficult. Both Gerritt & Sophia have to sleep with Daddy. Gerritt tends to fall asleep quickly whereas Sophia tends to sing, count & talk loudly for up to 2 hours. She keeps Gerritt awake, so he's been more irritable from the lack of sleep since Jacob's birth. Several times I walked into my husband's bedroom only to find him fast asleep & snoring while the kids were still up laughing & playing.
I really miss taking care of Sophia & Gerritt. Jacob requires most of my attention & energy now & I catch myself going for days without hugging or kissing Gerritt & Sophia. I can't remember the last time Gerritt & I read books. We snuggled on the rocking chair one evening & dreamt about my husband watching Jacob at night so Gerritt & I could read books at bedtime like we used to. Bottlefeeding sounds very tempting.
I spent most of Sunday in pain due to plugged ducts in both of my breasts again. More Ibuprofen, breast massage, cold cabbage leaves, warm packs & pumping. I was feeling really irritated at not being able to remove much milk from my breasts & relieve the pain with all of my interventions. Also I couldn't hug anyone or even sleep on my side. Gerritt simply brushing against my chest would almost cause me to be in tears. Burping Jacob by laying him on my shoulder was very uncomfortable too.
On Sunday Jacob smiled for the first time! He didn't do it in his sleep or while daydreaming, but intentionally, while looking at me. I have to see if he does it again tomorrow, just to make sure I am not mistaken. My old midwife told me that babies would smile a lot sooner than the expected 6 weeks if more people smiled at them right from the beginning.
Day 20 (December 19th, Monday)
Gerritt slept with Jacob & me last night. He just decided he wanted to sleep next to me even with baby waking up & crying several times at night (he said he "didn't care"). Jacob was reasonably quiet & I took him out to the hallway for his diaper changes in the bassinet since he sometimes cries during those. Then he usually cries while waiting for his milk to warm up. I did the feeding & burping in bed. Thankfully, Jacob promptly fell asleep after each feeding & never woke up Gerritt. We didn't fall asleep until 11:30 pm, so all of us slept in until 10:30 am today. Everyone's regular schedules are definitely off.
I was so exhausted last evening, I fed Jacob with a bottle during the night time. I just didn't have the energy to do the finger feeding routine anymore. Every time Jacob wakes up, it takes me 1 hour to finish everything before I can fall asleep again. I have to change Jacob's diaper, finger feed him, then pump, record the pumped milk amount on a log, then wash all of the pump parts, hydrate myself & use the restroom. I also often check on Sophia prior to returning to my bed to make sure she is covered with her blanket & is not getting cold. Sometimes I also refill the humidifier with water so we don't wake up with dry stuffy noses. The list of things to do can get surprisingly long for the middle of the night.
The starter kit SNS
We had another home visit with a lactation specialist today (a different one this time). She taught me how to breastfeed Jacob using the nipple shield & the starter kit supplemental nursing system (SNS). The goals are to breastfeed Jacob with a nipple shield & SNS, then with a nipple shield alone, then directly at the breast. With two of us helping, Jacob latched using the nipple shield & suckled for the longest time ever thanks to the SNS squirting some milk into his mouth to keep him interested.
Best buddies
After the lactation specialist left, I tried to breastfeed Jacob using the nipple shield & SNS twice. It was a disaster! I couldn't get comfortable with the pillows; the nipple shield kept sliding off with baby's arms constantly trying to grab my breast; the SNS bottle was the wrong size & kept leaking all over me & the baby, & the milk flow from the SNS was too fast. Since the SNS bottle was too big, it couldn't be clipped to my clothes & I had to hold it with my neck causing it to cramp. I really needed another person to help me with the equipment, but my husband was gone to run a few much needed errands. So I ended up feeling frustrated & in tears again.
Sophia insisted on using the potty with all of her stuffed animals
On a good note, Sophia went pee on a potty twice today. I checked her diaper twice & since it was dry I encouraged her to sit on a potty while watching TV. Success! I showed her the pee, but it didn't seem to impress her much. I praised her regardless. Hopefully, this is the start of her potty training.
Day 21 (December 20th, Tuesday)
Jacob is 3 weeks old today! I feel I am just starting to get out of the post-partum "fog." It is not even hormonal or physical, but due to chronic sleep deprivation. I find myself slurring speech, having trouble making decisions & focusing. Since I am not practicing breastfeeding at night, my husband was able to take over at 4 am today & feed Jacob via bottle allowing me some uninterrupted sleep. I barely woke up in time for my dental appointment at 9 am today. Here I was at my dentist's office apologizing for stains on my clothes & somewhat unkept appearance. I almost fell asleep during my tooth cleaning. I have post-partum gingivitis again so there was some gum bleeding. Unfortunately, I also need to have a crown & a filling replaced. This has less to do with pregnancy & breastfeeding & more with poor dental habits in childhood. Thankfully, even with me being laid off from my clinic job, I have dental insurance coverage through January 31st. I also have another dental insurance through my husband's work, so our out-of-pocket expenses will be minimal.
I had to photograph Shon's swaddling attempt :-)
Gerritt slept with Jacob & me again last night. I held sleeping Jacob in my arms while I read books to Gerritt. It looks like we found a way to get back to our old routine! Gerritt's favorite books now are Knuffle Bunny by Mo Willems, Hickory Dickory Dock by Keith Baker & One Is a Feast For Mouse - A Thanksgiving Tale by Judy Cox. He's also in love with Justin Bieber! I've rented his DVD Never Say Never, & Gerritt now wants to watch it every night.
I took my 2nd since birth walk today with Maxie & Sammy. I still have mild ache in my pelvis (mostly pubis). I've developed constipation for the past 3 days despite drinking lots of water & maintaining a reasonably good diet. It's probably due to not getting any exercise & Ibuprofen I've been taking to relieve pain from the plugged ducts. Another hurdle to overcome.
This is our nanny's last week working for us. She's been with us for more than 1.5 years & helped to raise Gerritt & Sophia. Part of me is excited for my Mom moving to the US to live with us, but another part of me is sad for Irina leaving. This week I had Irina work from 8 am until 1 pm (kids' nap time), only because my husband is on his paternity leave for the next 2 weeks (or until my Mom arrives). I don't feel ready yet in any shape or form to take care of 3 kids by myself.
I am feeling more optimistic today. Rather than giving up breastfeeding completely, I am thinking of exclusive pumping to provide Jacob with benefits of breastmilk. Besides KellyMom, I found another good resource for women who pump exclusively - Got Breast Pump! Just when you think you've mastered all of the baby-related stuff, there is a new area to explore!
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