Gerritt's First Christmas

Today is Christmas Eve & Gerry & Chris traveled from Wenatchee to celebrate Gerritt's first Christmas with us. Chris & I took Gerritt to the Alderwood Mall this afternoon to take his 1st Santa picture. Gerritt did well waiting in line for over an hour. I got a glimpse of what is to come: lists & pictures of presents kids want from Santa. A yearly picture with Santa is a fun holiday tradition & the one I want to continue as Gerritt grows.
Our celebration turned out well. Chris & Gerry were so sweet to spoil us with presents once again. Even Charlie got a package of Greenies (chew bones)! Gerritt got a developmental toy that vibrates, plays classical music & lights up. Too bad he can't hold it yet. :-) He also got a Rainforest high chair. I have a feeling we are going to be using it soon for feeding Gerritt solids since he is growing so quickly.
Gerritt is such a happy boy around everyone except Gerry. Every time Gerry picks him up to hold Gerritt starts bawling, every time! I am puzzled... Could it be that Gerritt is afraid of Gerry or senses his uneasiness with babies? It is actually pretty funny to watch. Happy, smiling & cooing boy in Mommy's arms, crying fussy boy in Gerry's arms a moment later.
My husband & I are slowly recovering from a cold we got from Gerritt. My hubby's Mom stayed with us last Thursday & Friday nights. A great night sleep is just what we both needed to help us recover.
Last Friday I had my first Nurse Practitioner job interview at Planned Parenthood (PP). I am applying for a part-time Clinician position (2-3 days a week). I thought the interview went well. Some of the questions were hard to answer & I answered them the best I could ("What are the differences between a good manager & a good leader? How would you incorporate management & leadership characteristics into our organization?"). Huh? I don't care, I just want to be a great Nurse Practitioner. PP would be an exciting place to work & is very supportive of new NP graduates. I really hope I get the job!
Last week I also gave the nursing manager my 2-week notice (my last day being January 6th). I have decided to leave the Resource Team to pursue other opportunities. Besides looking for a job as a Nurse Practitioner I am also interested in a per diem nursing position (4-5 days/month). I am not yet ready to leave bedside nursing for good. This way if my Nurse Practitioner job doesn't work out I can still return to nursing or do something really different like travel nursing. Even though I will be taking a significant pay cut by leaving my job as a nurse to work as a new graduate NP, I hope the transition is going to be fulfilling personally & professionally. So in about 2 weeks I will officially be unemployed for the first time in my life. Scary &, at the same time, liberating experience!
My husband & I did not get each other any presents this year, however, I went crazy buying toys for Gerritt. He's had 2 toys since birth & I noticed him getting bored with them lately. So after doing an online research on various toy award winners, I've ordered several of them for Gerritt. The toy shipment arrived this morning & Gerritt was so overwhelmed with all of the colors, sounds & textures, he promptly fell asleep about half an hour into our play session. :-)

Sick baby

This past week has been one of the hardest since Gerritt's birth. Last Tuesday (December 11th) I took him in to get his first immunizations. We were supposed to do them at our last visit with Gerritt's pediatrician but I wanted to hold off until I read more about the vaccines, their safety profiles, risks vs. benefits, etc. The pediatrician didn't like it at all & gave me "the look." I have just ordered the Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert Sears & was waiting for it to arrive in the mail. After reading it I have decided to follow Dr. Sears's recommended vaccination schedule rather than the one recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics. Some of the reasons include spreading out the aluminum-containing shots to allow aluminum processing without it reaching toxic levels; giving no more than 2 vaccines at a time to limit potential side effects & to spread out exposure to the numerous chemicals; & giving only 1 live-virus vaccine at at time to allow baby's immune system to deal with each disease separately.
So on Tuesday Gerritt received DTaP & Rotavirus vaccines. I was dreading the immunizations for a long time, however, Gerritt didn't even cry when a medical assistant administered a shot in his right thigh. I had expected a red face, screaming, & a hard-to-calm-down baby, & instead Gerritt was smiling & content as soon as he was dressed. The Rotavirus vaccine came in a liquid form & was administered orally. So happy Mom & baby went home. Little did I know...
That afternoon Gerritt vomited twice. During the next 3 days he vomited several more times & had very loose stools (up to 4 times a day). He was very fussy & had a hard time going to sleep. Instead of him sleeping for 4-5-hour stretches at night, he would wake up every couple of hours crying loudly. A little more investigation revealed that the standard vaccine side effects included fever, crying, vomiting, diarrhea & body aches. The Rotavirus vaccine is intended to cause a mild intestinal infection. Poor thing!
In addition to sufferring from the vaccines' side effects, Gerritt got his first cold. We visited the pediatric clinic during morning drop-in time when all of the sick kids who do not have an appointment show up. I should have guessed Gerritt would get ill when I saw a crying, loudly-coughing & sneezing boy in the corner of the waiting room. I had covered Gerritt's car seat with a blanket for protection hoping he would not breathe in as many viruses, however, the blanket was not enough. That same afternoon Gerritt started coughing & sneezing. The next day he had a fever & a runny nose. Sometimes he coughed so violently, he would vomit. Simple, previously-enjoyed by the baby tasks like changing a diaper, getting dressed or taking a bath resulted in loud, hard-to-console crying spells. One morning after yet another crying session, finally eating, then vomiting everything all over our bed, I lost it & started crying. I didn't think I could go on, but did I have a choice? Gerritt relied on me for his well-being & I had to pull myself together to be the best Mom I could be.
Multiple store trips later, we were stocked up on liquid Tylenol & Ibuprofen as well as nasal saline drops. Ibuprofen was a God-sent since it allowed Gerritt to fall asleep for a good stretch of time for the 1st time in 3 nights. Needless to say, by the time Friday came, I was so fatigued I had ringing in my ears & my head was spinning. I had a really hard time making it through the day & was afraid for patient safety since I had to work on Saturday. My husband came to my rescue by offering to watch Gerritt on Friday night, thus allowing me an uninterrupted sleep.
The day after Gerritt got ill, Chris & Gerry arrived for a visit. Gerry went to work at his company's office in Seattle & Chris stayed with me. Originally, we planned to get our Christmas shopping done as well as cook & do fun girl stuff. Everything had to be put on hold & our mission changed to helping Gerritt get well again. Thanks to Chris, I was able to take a 4-hour nap after one sleepless night. She was so sweet to plan & prepare meals for us for the rest of the week. During the week I continued to feed Gerritt my expressed breast milk as well as defrosted breastmilk donated by our friend M.R. The symptoms lessened in intensity in about 3 days & my sweet, loving & smiling boy was back.
Now it is my turn to be sick. Since yesterday evening I've been experiencing headaches, fatigue, nasal congestion, scratchy & sore throat, & a runny nose. I've learned my lesson... Next time stay away from the morning drop-in hours at the pediatric clinic. For that reason I am thinking of switching from a pediatrician to a family doctor. At least when I visit a family doctor, the waiting room will not be filled with so many sick kids.

Back to work

It was a busy week for us! On Wednesday I had my 6-week postpartum check up with Sally Avenson. It was actually a 8.5-week check up since my appointment was cancelled a couple of times due to Sally's patients going into labor. She is a very busy midwife & in great demand since she has a good reputation and is highly respected in our community. She held Gerritt in her lap while she talked to me & I snapped a few pictures. I want Gerritt to know who helped to bring him into the world! I've asked Sally about her plans for retirement since I am hoping to have her as my midwife again some day. She reassured me that she will be around for a while since she absolutely loves what she does for a living & has 3 college-age children.
On Thursday Gerritt had his 2-month check-up with pediatrician. He has sure grown! He was 24 inches in length (90th percentile) & weighed 14 lbs 14 oz (95th percentile). His head circumference was 41 1/2 cm (90th percentile). The pediatrician said Gerritt looked healthy & reassured us that we should not be concerned about his weight at this point. Gerritt's head is starting to flatten out on his left side so our homework was to turn his head to the right when sleeping. Another assignment was to encourage Gerritt reaching and grasping large soft objects.
On Friday I had what I thought was my last dental appointment for a while. However, the two crowns that made for me by the dental lab were about half a millimeter too short, so my dentist sent them back to be redone. So I need to return for another crown fitting session & receive another shot of local anesthesia. :-( During my last session a small amount of epinephrine from local anesthesia got into my blood stream (which apparently rarely happens) and I've experienced a racing heart, anxiety, shortness of breath, dizziness & sensation of almost passing out. The symptoms were gone in about 2 minutes, however, they were so terrifying! I can't wait to be done for good. I vowed to be religious about flossing since I don't want to repeat this experience again.
On Friday night we all went for our prenatal education class reunion. Four out of the six original couples showed up with their babies. What fun! Gerritt was the biggest baby by far, no surprise there. While driving to the reunion I was thinking how surprised everyone would be when they find out I had a C-section, the one who was so committed to natural childbirth. I did not need to worry... 3 out of 4 women present ended up having a C-section. We went around & shared out birth stories as well as struggles we went through during early postpartum. It was great to see everyone's beautiful babies. In a matter of a few weeks the women & their partners were transformed from frightened & unsure expectant parents to confident & content parents. Or at least they looked that way...
On Saturday, December 8th, I worked my first shift as a nurse since Gerritt's birth. I've contacted my manager last week asking her if I could return from my maternity leave earlier than the previously set date of January 7th. I was so tired of sitting at home & not being mentally stimulated. My husband & I figured I could work every Saturday & Sunday (while he watched Gerritt) as well as every other Friday (with my hubby's Mom watching Gerritt). I have also worked last Sunday. I ended up being on 8 North (the Rehabilitation floor) on both days. The shift were light & quiet for the most part. Being at work actually felt like a nice get-away, a much-needed break from home. I was nervous about finding time to get away as well as a private place to pump breastmilk while working, but lucked out on both days. It helps that weekends at the hospital are usually quiet. There were several empty rooms I could use.
The artificial Christmas tree we recently bought from Costco had to be returned to the store. When unpacking the box we found a paper with a warning "Wash hands after handling, lead exposure." I did a search on line & found out that pretty much every artifical tree made in China contains lead, a powerful neurotoxin. The older the tree, the greater the amount of lead dust falling of it. A child could get a significant lead exposure by inhaling the lead dust or by touching or crawling under the tree. It is speculated by some scientists that such exposure can potentially reduce a child's IQ by up to 2 points. No, thank you! We will be using only fresh Christmas trees from now on. I even hated the smell of the artifical tree, so toxic! Couldn't get it out of the house fast enough.
This week I have also applied for a part-time job as a Nurse Practitioner at Planned Parenthood (PP). As comfortable as I am in my nursing role, I feel a strong need to transition to the next step of my professional development. I plan to work at PP one to two days a week so that I can spend most of my time with little Gerritt. So December may be my last month of working as a nurse. I have a PP interview scheduled for December 21st!
Today was my husband's first day back to work after a 2-month paternity leave. I was dreading this day for a while but managed alone with Gerritt just fine. I even showered & had breakfast before noon! This afternoon I have visited a friend I have met at a Thanksgiving party. She has a 7-month-old daughter & kindly offered to donate her breastmilk to Gerritt. I have picked up a 3.5-month supply of frozen breastmilk today. What a kind & loving gesture! I am so grateful.
Our Korean grandmother has not visited us last week. When my husband called her she said her arms were still aching from lifting Gerritt last week & she needs more time to recover. :-) I am curious to see how Gerritt's Russian grandmother will measure up.

Gerritt is 2 months old!

Gerritt turned 2 months old yesterday. He is growing up fast! It seems we brought him home from the hospital just yesterday. I am so pleased he is healthy & happy. I am also grateful the 1st few weeks home are behind us. That was one of the hardest things I've gone through & I would not want to repeat the experience. It started to snow in the early afternoon yesterday. I have not seen snowflakes so large in quite some time. Snow falling down slowly was such a beatiful site I took out my video camera. I really love when it snows! It reminds me of the long snowy winters in Siberia while growing up.
We had an early Christmas Cheer celebration at our church yesterday. The celebration included a talent show. Gerritt was awake the whole time, cooing and laughing. He really enjoyed the singing and the music! He was having such a good time, he started crying when we put him back in his car seat to go home.
Gerritt's Korean grandma spent a couple of days with us this week. Poor thing! She was really tired after watching him for 2 nights. She loves Gerritt so much, she insists on having him sleep in her bedroom when she visits. However, she doesn't sleep much & spends most of the night watching Gerritt's every move & counting his every breath. I wish I had such dedication! The reality is we are just plain too tired to do the same. :-) We are so fortunate to have someone who loves our baby as much as we do!

November 16 - November 30

November 18
Last night was the third night when Gerritt slept for one 4-hour stretch. Yeah! He usually sleeps in one 4-hour & one 3.5-hour stretch. What a difference this makes for our level of fatigue! We are starting to feel human again. I think Gerritt's ability to sleep longer is due to his increased fat reserves. He weighed 12.8 lbs when we weighed him 3 days ago (6 weeks of age). He was the same size, if not bigger, as a couple of 3-month-olds at our church service last Sunday. For a while we were nervous that we were overfeeding him. So my husband & I kept a feeding log where we wrote down everything Gerritt ate - time & amount. The goal was not to exceed 30 oz of formula & breastmilk combined in a 24-hour period. However, after talking to several people & hearing, "You can't overfeed a baby" from more than one person, we've stopped keeping track of Gerritt's intake. Now he eats as much as he wants & whenever he wants.
Another new change is that Gerritt is producing real tears. Yesterday I was home alone with him for a few hours. I was in the middle of my pumping when he started to cry. Unfortunately, I couldn't pick him up until I was done, and when I did he had tears running down both sides of his face. :-( That about broke my heart. I've never apologized to anyone so profusely.
Last Thursday I've attended my first New Moms Support Group organized by my church. I felt so proud when I drove with Gerritt & found the house all by myself. Just a few weeks ago I was afraid to do just that. He cried about half of the way there & it took all of my concentration to focus on driving safely. The car seat is not his favorite place to be, that's for sure. However, once I pulled over & gave him a pacifier, he promptly fell asleep. :-)
About a week ago we bought tickets for my Mom to come over from Russia. She will be arriving on January 11th & stay for 1 month. I can't wait to show off Gerritt! She is in love with him already. I've been sending photos of Gerritt to her about every couple of weeks. She says she has his photos all over her condo & tells him good morning when she wakes up every morning.
Last week Gerritt also started smiling (at 6 weeks of age). He smiles back when we talk to him in a high-pitched happy voice. He loves to smile upon waking up in the mornings, after eating & getting his diaper changed, while one of us is getting him dressed for the day. Sometimes he even laughs although mostly in his sleep. I am not sure where he learned to do that. :-)
Gerritt still gets hiccups at least once daily, especially in the evenings. Just like when I was pregnant... I knew he was having hiccups due to a series of little rhythmic movements in my belly.
Some sad news for our family... Chris's Mom Barbara passed away on November 14th, one day before her birthday. She would have been 88 years old. She was a wonderful woman & will be missed greatly. I am happy she at least got to see the photos of little Gerritt & shared our joy in welcoming him to the world.

November 27
Motherhood is getting a little easier. I am falling in love with our little creation more deeply every day. The breastfeeding didn't work out for us unfortunately since I wasn't able to produce enough breastmilk to keep up with Gerritt's eating demands. However, I still produce about 9-10 oz. of breastmilk per day, so Gerritt is not solely formula-fed. I pump every 3-4 hours during the day & every 4-5 hours during the night to maintain my milk supply. It is like a full-time job! Can't go anywhere without my Medela Pump In Style breast pump! Meanwhile, we went from feeding Gerritt Similac Advance formula to the Costco brand with similar composition to Similac Organic. The organic formula is made using cane sugar, so it doesn't mix as well, but I believe the less antibiotic & hormone exposure Gerritt gets the better. This formula is more expensive than its non-organic version costing $14.99 for 12.9 oz & $27.99 for 25.7 oz, so my best source for buying it has been Ebay. How did we survive without it in the past?
I've also looked into acquiring donated breastmilk. I have found & wrote to a couple of websites matching people looking for breastmilk with breastmilk donors but have not heard back from them. One of my coworkers kindly offered to donate her breastmilk to Gerritt, however, I had to decline after learning she was taking Prozac. Up to 20% of Prozac is excreted into breastmilk & its effects on an infant brain are unknown.
We have finally received Gerritt's corrected birth certificate & social security card. Thanks to my Russian style of printing, his middle name was misspelled as Yinwon instead of Jinwon. We are also planning on getting Gerritt a passport. Two of the Moms in my New Moms Support Group said it was a requirement now to have a passport for traveling abroad (such as Canada) even for babies. I am sure we'll travel to Canada in the next 3-5 years, so passport for Gerritt seems like a good investment.
Gerritt is more interactive every day. Besides smiling, he started tracking us with his eyes as we walk around room by turning his head. He loves to play pick-a-boo with Daddy & focuses on brightly colored toys for longer periods of time. His neck is getting stronger. He is still not able to hold his head by himself, but at least it's not as wobbly. Gerritt's favorite form of entertainment is watching our various facial expressions & hearing us talk. Sometimes we play classical music for him as well as popular children's songs. Can't wait when he'll be able to sing along!
Gerritt also likes to bathe. I am sure he likes it because he has never cried while being washed. He is VERY vocal about things his doesn't like, for example, wearing a hat. Of course, we make it as pleasant for him as possible: warm up the bathroom prior to him undressing, put him in a plastic tub lined with foam & a soft towel, cover his body with one of the wash cloths & washing one body part at a time, & using soft soothing voice. It is quite a production!
I've been busy catching up on my dental care. I've had 4 dental appointments so far. I have been refusing dental x-rays for a while for fear of exposing myself to too much radiation. When I finally had a set completed this fall, I ended up needing 3 crowns! I think I better follow the recommended treatment guidelines from now on. The goal is to have my teeth fixed before my husband goes back to work on December 10th since we don't have a babysitter for Gerritt yet. Finding a babysitter I would approve of is another story...

A new look for a new Mom

Today I had my first beauty treatment since Gerritt's birth. I've mastered enough courage to change my hair color at last! I've been a blond since my arrival to the States in 1995, so it was a long time coming. I feel like the new color is reflective of a new chapter in my life. Also a solid color does not require as much maintenance as blond highlights do. Thank goodness, both Gerritt & Charlie have recognized me despite my different look. Viola!

Halloween

Today I had a follow-up appointment with my midwife. This was the first time I've seen her since the delivery. Being in her office brought back my memories of being pregnant & my dreams for perfect birth. I promised myself not to get emotional, but when Sally asked me how I was doing after everything that was done to me, I couldn't hold back tears. I still felt sad & disappointed by not being able to deliver Gerritt vaginally. I had hoped for a natural, unmedicated birth & ended up experiencing almost every medical intervention out there (except forceps & vacuum extraction since baby was too high up in the pelvis for those to be useful, thank goodness!). The good news is that Sally thought I was a good candidate for trying a VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarean) with my next baby. Sally could be my midwife again; only I would deliver at Groop Health instead of Swedish Ballard. I will definitely try VBAC. The next baby may be smaller & positioned differently. Who knows?

Gerritt & Charlie

Our dog Charlie has adjusted to Gerritt's birth better than we expected. He is so sensitive & nurturing, we call him nurse Charlie now. :-) He doesn't like hearing Gerritt cry & attempts to comfort him by licking. He has also been sleeping by my side every night even though it means waking up frequently. We found Charlie to be as tired & sleepy during the day as we were. ;-) Also on occassion, Charlie has been known to sniff out a dirty diaper & to alert us by tugging at baby's blanket. Since I used to hold Charlie so much, he still wants his Mommy time regularly even if it means sharing a Boppy pillow with nursing Gerritt. Charlie loves to snuggle next to Gerritt with our supervision, of course, & has accepted him as a new addition to our family. Charlie has turned 3 last September, so he'll be around when Gerritt is in his teens. Hard to imagine now...

The first month

Gerritt is going to be 1 month old in 1 day! And we've managed to keep him alive! People say to enjoy every moment since children grow up so fast, however, the past month seemed really long to us. Maybe it is due to the fact that our lives were turned upside down since the birth of our little bundle of joy. We knew having children would not be easy, but we were still shocked by the overwhelming responsibilities & demands of early parenthood. Now I know pregnancy was the easy part... We have never been so tired & sleep-deprived before. Also it was hard to adjust from having active social & professional lives to staying home all day & realizing that every day would be the same: change diaper, feed, burp, play a little, put baby to sleep, then repeat every 2.5-3 hours! :-) Add the fact that newborns don't interact very much and you have a severe case of boredom on your hands. My husband would find me in a rocking chair with a dazed blank look on my face at least once a day & say, "Sweetie, you look really bored... Poor thing!" Some days it is noon time & you realize you haven't showered yet & you are starving because you forgot to eat breakfast. The good news is that it gets better over time. As you get to know your baby & recover from childbirth, you find joy in little things - the way Gerritt smiles when sleeping, the way he draws his hands to his face every time he eats, all the different facial expressions he makes, the way he yawns, the long stretches he does when unwrapped for a diaper change, & even the "golden shower" (the joys of having a boy!).
The first month was spent getting to know Gerritt & adjusting our parenting style. I was set on practicing the attachment style of parenting, however, found I couldn't follow all of its aspects. Gerritt slept in bed with me for the first 2.5 weeks & the quality of my sleep was poor. I was awakening every hour due to all the little noises he made & to make sure his face was not accidently covered with a blanket. I also couldn't turn in bed freely. Things have improved tremendously with Gerritt sleeping in his crib & me sleeping in bed next to him. I am still open to the idea of co-sleeping, however, with an older child. Also I couldn't carry Gerritt in a sling all day due to pain in my abdominal incision, so that had to be replaced with lots of holding & rocking. One thing I was able to practice was to respond to Gerritt's cries right away. I am not a believer in letting a baby cry it out to soothe himself. We are also feeding Gerritt on demand & not on a schedule.
We had a few sleepless nights & even thought Gerritt was colicky for a while. We've tried such anti-gas/anti-colick remedies as Mylicon drops & Gripe water. Then we found out we were underfeeding him (2 oz. of breast milk or formula that satisfied him as a newborn were not enough at 3 weeks of age) & that he was a bit cold. Gerritt kept waking up frequently & crying & it took Shon's Mom taking care of him for one night to figure things out. He started sleeping for 3-3.5-hour stretches as soon as the room's temperature was increased to 71-72 degrees & he was wrapped in two (instead of one) blankets. We've also had a couple of nerve-wrackig days when Gerritt did not have a bowel movement for 2 days. We were frantic with worry & called the Ballard Pediatrics office & the Nurse Consulting phone line (free service provided to Microsoft employees). We've learned Gerritt's pattern was normal since he was receiving both formula & breastmilk. Becoming a parent sure involves a steep learning curve!
When Gerritt was 2 weeks old we had our first outing. We all went to the grocery store, Costco & then Tully's for some coffee. I just remember everything around me feeling surreal. I couldn't believe I was sitting in a chair by the fireplace drinking tea - a resemblance of my old life! We were able to stay at Tully's for only 20 minutes since Gerritt started crying & everyone was looking at us, however, that little outing gave us hope that life would some day be normal again. :-) Also around that time I spend some time running errands by myself. Driving for the first time after surgery was an experience & I got tired fairly quickly. Still it was good for my spirit to get out of the house.
The first month was filled with Gerritt's pediatric appointments, my follow-ups with the surgeon who did my C-section (Dr. White) as well as my midwife, a trip to the lab for a repeat PKU test for Gerritt, visits from our doula and multiple friends. We learned how much work it is to get out of the house on time when you have a little one. It has been wonderful to experience the support of our friends & family. It really does take a village to raise a child. My husband's Mom has been a lifesaver! It is great to have her come & take care of Gerritt once a week while we have a few hours to ourselves. Thanks to her we were able to go out as a couple a few times & take naps. Now we have a newfound respect for all of the parents out there including our own. I vowed to never criticize anyone's parenting style again.
Physically, it took me about 3 weeks to feel somewhat like my old self again. My C-section scar still aches once in a while & a few areas around it continue to stay numb. It is quite unpleasant to brush against it accidently & not have previous level of sensation. Some days I feel like one giant breast. I am pumping milk about every 3 hours. A couple of times I got a bad case of a plugged milk duct (when one of the ducts gets clogged, does not drain & gets inflamed). I think those were the times I was so tired I didn't hear the alarm & slept for 5-6 hours straight instead of waking up & pumping. Thanks to hot packs, increased frequency of pumping, Ibuprofen & rest, the plugged ducts didn't turn into mastitis. I have joined a New Mom's support group at my church, however, missed the first meeting. It was just too much trying to get out of house by myself with a 2-week-old baby.
We are gradually transitioning to being parents. We are taking it one day at a time. I am counting the days until Gerritt will be able to interact with us more. My husband's paternity leave ends on December 10th. I don't know what I would have done without his help. My love for him has grown since Gerritt's birth. The baby brought out a different side of him - such tenderness & nurturing. My husband who could sleep through everything now wakes up at Gerritt's first cry. We feel really blessed with a healthy pregnancy & baby. We have reconsidered our thought of having 4 children though. :-)

Postpartum/recovery

Immediately after the C-section I returned to my room, the same room I was laboring in. Since I was still numb from the chest down, I was turned to my side so that I could breastfeed Gerritt. My doula kept helping Gerritt to stay latched on. He was alert & eager to nurse. I wanted to elevate my head to hold the baby in my arms, however, I was advised against doing so for at least 3 hours to prevent spinal-induced hypotension. So I stayed laying flat until about 2100. I was happy the surgery was over and I had a healthy beautiful baby in my arms. It was strange not to be able to feel and move my legs. I was relieved when the anesthesia started to slowly wear off & I could turn myself in bed within 3 hours after surgery. I continued to feel comfortable even after spinal anesthesia wore off due to the Duramorph injected earlier. It provided pain relief for about 18 hours and after that time I started taking oxycodone & Tylenol. One of the best advices I received was not to eat or drink large amounts of fluid for 12 hours after surgery to prevent postoperative nausea and vomiting. So I felt great postpartum with the only medication side effect experienced being generalized itching (thanks to Duramorph).
We didn't get much sleep that night since Gerritt kept waking up every 2-3 hours & crying. I ended up rocking him all night long. The mother-baby unit was short of nurses that day (due to a large number of laboring women - the result of last winter's power outage & wind storm), so my husband & I did all of the diaper duties.
The next day, I took my 1st walk & ate regular food. I found myself being constantly hungry and thirsty. Much of the day was spent learning to breastfeed & keeping our baby warm & dry. The urinary catheter was discontinued later that evening & I was relieved to be able to urinate on my own. It was difficult to get in and out of bed & to walk standing up straight due to the pain in my abdominal incision. I kept taking oxycodone & Tylenol on schedule, every 3 hours, which allowed me to do my motherly duties. That night we didn't get much sleep either since Gerritt kept waking up about every hour & crying from hunger. Newborns are born with good fluid & fat reserves, which should allow them to survive on a few drops of colostrum (fluid produced in the breasts until the breast milk becomes available), however, Gerritt was not satisfied with colostrum alone. Since my milk hasn't come in yet, I ended up asking a nurse for SNS (Supplemental Nursing System, which allows the baby to breastfeed while being supplemented with formula via a tube attached to the nipple). Gerritt still continued to fuss & wake up often. We finally learned that we were not feeding him enough (we were giving him 10-15 cc of formula instead of at least 30 cc every 3 hours). Needless to say, I was in no shape to go home on our third day in the hospital. My husband & I were like walking zombies. We were very fatigued & kept falling asleep in mid-sentence. Since I had a long labor which ended in a C-section & was still in considerable pain, my surgeon thought it was a good idea for us to spend a 3rd night at the hospital. I was so relieved! We took our evening nurse's advice & let her watch the baby & feed him formula while we slept from 1:30 to 7 am. That was the longest stretch of sleep we got since Gerritt's birth & we felt like new people in the morning.
On October 4th (Thursday) we were discharged around 5 pm. It was a beautiful sunny fall day & I remember thinking how the world would never be the same. I was a changed person & as we were driving home with Gerritt in his car seat, everything looked different. The next few days were filled with Gerritt's mother/baby visit on October 6th (where he got weighed & checked for jaundice), his 1st pediatric appointment on October 8th, & learning to breastfeed. I ended up having a home visit with a lactation consultant due to my condition of flat nipples. Breastfeeding did not come naturally & was quite a time-consuming process with application of a nipple shield, correct positioning, trying to keep baby awake during feedings & pumping afterwords to stimulate more milk production. My milk has come in on the 4th day after the delivery & I've experienced swollen & tender breasts. As I continued to breastfeed & pump, take hot showers & apply heat packs, the tenderness subsided within a couple of days. It was such a miracle to observe my body's capability to produce what baby needed most - breast milk! Since I wasn't producing enough milk to keep Gerritt comfortably full, we ended up supplementing his diet with formula after each feeding. Our efforts paid off since he surpassed his birth weight at his 2-week check up. Gerritt weighed 8 lbs 1 oz at 1 week of age & 8 lbs 11 oz at 2 weeks!
It was wonderful to have my American Mom Chris here with us for about 10 days after Gerritt's birth! Her delicious meals kept us nourished & her emotional support was invaluable. I found myself experiencing baby blues soon after coming home. A combination of fatigue, surgical pain, changing hormone levels & a huge change in our lifestyle made me feel deliriously happy some times ("This baby is such a God's miracle & I can't believe he is my son!") and unable to control crying spells at other times ("I am a failure since I wasn't able to deliver vaginally."). I quickly found out that my day as a new Mom went a lot better if I was able to start it with a hot shower (which felt like a luxury) and a good breakfast.
I was amazed at how quickly my abdomen flattened out after baby was out as well as such a rapid weight loss. I weighed 145 lbs on the day of returning home from the hospital (18 lb weight loss in a 4-day period from pre-delivery weight of 163 lbs!). No stretch marks, varicose veins or hemorrhoids - not bad for a 1st baby! :-) Some major physiological shifts took place within a few days after delivery: my swollen feet & ankles disappeared allowing me to fit into my old shoes again; so did my nasal congestion & frequent sneezing (I was able to sleep using only 1 instead of 3 pillows); no more heartburn & frequent urination; & my wedding ring was not tight any more. However, I continued to be constantly hungry & thirsty. 500 extra calories per day are needed to produce breast milk, so no wonder I continued my pregnancy eating habits post-partum! Also it is amazing how quickly I started to forget all of the unpleasant details associated with pregnancy & childbirth. Must be nature's way to ensure I do this again some day! :-)

The big day - October 1st

On Sunday evening, September 30, I started to feel a bit restless. I felt I really needed to get out and exercise. Since it was raining, my husband and I went to the Alderwood Mall & did a few loops inside. I had to stop a few times & do deep breathing exercises due to intermittent sharp lower abdominal pains. It was hard to walk being so big, however, exercise helped me to go to sleep that night. At 1:11 am on Monday, October 1st, my water broke as I attempted to get out of bed to use the restroom. A large gush of warm fluid running down my legs & rapidly covering the bedroom floor was an unmistakable sign of early labor. I started to shake with excitement knowing my big day has arrived at last. I woke up my husband. I knew I had to conserve my energy and try going back to sleep, however, it was nearly impossible. The contractions started a couple of minutes after my water breaking. They were mild in intensity lasting about 20-30 seconds each & coming 10 minutes apart. I was re-reading Penny Simkin's Pregnancy, Childbirth & the Newborn book trying to anticipate what's ahead. It stated that rupture of membranes before labor occurs in about 10% of women, & in most pregnancies the membranes do not rupture until the active phase of labor or later. My husband's Mom was spending the night at our house since we were supposed to take her for her swearing-in ceremony on Monday. Once she found out why we were up, she wanted us to go to the hospital immediately, however, we have told her that in order to be admitted we had to meet the 4-1-1 criteria (contractions lasting 1 minute each 4 minutes apart for at least 1 hour). She could not go back to sleep either & spent the rest of the morning praying for a safe delivery & a healthy baby in her bedroom. I have realized that I was in such denial I have not packed my hospital bag, so at 2:30 am I've started packing it at last. At 3 am I have called my midwife Sally to inform her of the recent developments. After asking a few questions, she suggested I stay home for as long as I was comfortable. After eating some macaroni & cheese, I went back to bed. My husband & I kept track of the contraction intensity using his stop watch. I was doing deep breathing & relaxation. At 6 am I called Chris & Gerry & told them I was in labor. I have also called my doula Audra & told her I may need her in a couple of hours.

I spent much of the morning walking around the house, packing last-minute items, eating light easily-digestible foods, rotating my pelvis on a birth ball & listening to my hypnobirthing CD. I was able to relax to the point of almost falling asleep for about an hour while listening to my one of my CDs. I've started to get more uncomfortable at around 1030 am. The contractions were longer & coming every 2-3 minutes apart. It took much breathing to get through each one. I've phoned Sally & informed her that we were going to the hospital. She said she would inform the hospital unit I was on my way. We have also called my doula Audra & told her to meet us at the hospital.

The drive to the hospital was challenging. I could feel every bump. Thanks to the timing of the day, there was no rush hour traffic. We arrived to the hospital at about 11 am. After arrival to the maternity unit at Swedish Ballard, we were greeted by a nurse who escorted us to our room. We have asked her for a cart so that my husband could unload all of our bags from the car. She suggested we wait until she assessed my contraction pattern. After helping me to change into a gown, the nurse applied electronic monitor to my abdomen. I focused my energy on staying relaxed, closing my eyes & deep breathing through each contraction. After confirming that my contractions were frequent & intense enough, the nurse phoned Sally who suggested I have a vaginal exam to assess my dilation. After checking me, the nurse praised me & told me what a brave woman I was since I was 9 cm dilated! She said she did not see this very often & that I must have very high pain tolerance. She initially thought I would probably need to return home since I looked too calm & relaxed to be in active labor. She stated that I am less than an hour away from having my baby born & my midwife needed to be there ASAP & ran out of the room.

Sally arrived to the hospital within next half an hour. She checked my cervical dilation which invited a strong urge to push. I've started pushing at around noon time gently rocking my hips as I was leaning over a hospital bed. Pretty soon the intense back labor set in & I switched my position to being on my hands and knees. My doula kept massaging my back with lavender massage oil & applying pressure to tense areas which helped tremendously. She also made sure I stayed hydrated offering me water to drink every hour or so. Soon I had an IV put in & blood drawn to check my latest platelet count. At around 1400 Sally decided to get more aggressive about pushing. It turned out the baby was in occiput posterior position (back of the baby's head facing toward my back or a "sunny side up") which is considered to be an unfavorable fetal position. I was having considerable back pain due to the hard round part of the baby's head (the occiput) pressing on my sacrum, straining the sacroiliac joints & causing pain in the entire lower back area. I kept changing positions every 30 minutes while pushing: leaning over the bed, doing the lunge (lunging one of my legs while staying upright), side-lying with my right leg elevated, semi-prone, sitting on a toilet, & "water skiing" (squatting while pulling on a sheet wrapped around a squatting bar in front of you). Sally thought one of the reasons the baby wasn't descending during pushing urges was because I was afraid of letting go & truly bearing down due to severe back labor. So she suggested I try sterile water block (back acupressure point saline injections). The injections were one of my most painful things I have experienced, much worse than the labor itself, however, they did provide good back pain relief for about an hour. Due to the baby's position, I found out I couldn't urinate, so a catheter was used twice to drain my bladder during labor. After a couple of hours of bearing down with no results, my labor started to slow down. Nipple stimulation brought my contractions back, however, they were not intense or long enough for the pushing stage. Sally suggested I try Pitocin drip to make my contractions more effective. I was very nervous about trying it since I've heard it was often difficult to tolerate the intensity of Pitocin-induced contractions without an epidural. However, Sally reassured me that Pitocin would be started at a slow rate & that it takes a while to come into full effect. She was right, Pitocin worked slowly, however, once it reached its full effect, my contractions were very intense & coming every 2-3 minutes apart. I experienced an uncontrollable urge to push with each contraction. I was pushing for over 3 hours & no progress has been made. The baby did not come down even an inch. Sally has even tried to turn the baby's head to facilitate his better descend, however, he flipped right back to his old position as soon as she was done rotating him. I was getting to the point of exhaustion & falling asleep between my contractions.

At around 1700, Sally stated that she wasn't comfortable with me pushing any longer since no progress has been made & with my history of ITP (idiopathic thrombocytopenia purpura, or low platelet count) the baby was at a higher risk of intracranial hemorrhage. She stated that she thought C-section was the best option for me at that time. I was shocked & reluctant initially, however, once another contraction came I changed my mind. The contractions without any progress took everything I had & I was more exhausted by the minute. Once the decision about C-section was made the nurse anesthetist arrived pretty quickly & went through the list of standard medical history questions & obtaining informed consent. I just remember thinking, "I can't make it through another contraction. Stop all of this questioning & let's get on with the business." A few minutes later I was wheeled into the OR downstairs & was sitting on an operating table hugging my knees awaiting my spinal block. After everything I've been through that day my mind barely registered the pain of the needle being inserted between my vertebrae. The bliss of numbness set in from my nipple line down to my toes in a matter of minutes & was positioned for the surgery. The most uncomfortable thing about the surgery was laying with my head lower than my legs with big belly pushing on my diaphragm & making it harder for me to breathe. The smell of burning flesh as my vessels were cauterized was not pleasant either. However, the surgery itself was conducted quickly. My hubby & my doula were at my side the whole time. After several strong pulls (I felt my whole body lifted off the operating table 3 times) to get the baby's head out which was wedged deeply in the pelvis, Gerritt was born at 1747!

It was amazing to hear Gerritt's first cry! There is really nothing like it. I've started crying the minute I heard it. What a miracle it is to create another human being! Gerritt Jinwon Hong weighed 8 lbs 8 oz. and was 21 inches long. My husband was a proud Dad at last & brought the baby over to me as soon as Gerritt was measured, weighed & wrapped. The baby was born at 39 weeks & 3 days of gestation, or 4 days before the due date. So much for our expectations of overdue baby!

"A child is such a precious gift, a seed destined to grow and blossom forth in all the ways that parents choose to sow. Hug that child, love that child and when the time has come, set that perfect being free, and be glad you were the one, to have a chance to share this dance, with a flame of the golden sun." ~ Sri Gawn Tu Fahr

I passed my Nurse Practitioner board exam & 6 more days to go until the due date!

Wow! Today is week 39 & 1 day of my pregnancy. The due date is approaching whether I am ready or not. I haven't had much time to think about giving birth so soon since I've spent the last couple of weeks studying for my Nurse Practitioner boards. I haven't posted the fact that I was scheduled to take them TODAY at noon for fear of disappointing so many people if I didn't pass. Well, I should have trusted in my studying-under-pressure abilities more. I PASSED!!! Yes, I can legally call myself a certified Adult Nurse Practitioner! Even with all of the baby's kicks & hormonal shifts I was able to cram my brain with knowledge about treating hypertension, high cholesterol, obesity, smoking addiction, renal failure, neurological disorders, different STDs, & interpreting various skin lesions among many other things. I know, it was crazy to study just a few days away from my due date, but there was no way I was going to do it with a crying baby on my hands. All of my husband's daily reminders (I prefer this term to nagging) have paid off! The exam was about 3 hours and contained 175 questions. Now the next step is to request the American Nurses Credentialing Center to send a Verification of Certification letter to the Washington State Nursing Commission in Olympia stating that I have passed the exam & certified. Once the Commission receives this request, I will get a prescriptive authority. This means that my hubby was not too far off advertising my ability to hook up his male friends with Viagra. :-)
I am getting more uncomfortable by the day. I go for a 30-40" walk & then pay for it by aching all day long. I get up to empty my bladder at least twice at night & I can't sleep for long stretches of time any more. I had my 3rd labor preparation acupuncture session on Friday. My acupuncturist did not want to be too aggressive (like using electroacupuncture) since I needed to make it for my certification exam the next day. I am more hungry than usual & crave cheesecake, chocolate & milk shakes. Also I love apples! According to one of the Medscape articles eating fish & apples during pregnancy may have a protective effect against childhood asthma & allergies. Perhaps it is wise to listen to your body's cravings! So far I've gained 32 pounds, so still have room for 3 more pounds to fit the criteria for ideal weight gain during pregnancy (25-35 pounds)! :-) I have not packed my hospital bag yet - I must be in denial.
I did a reading today using my Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards. Interestingly, I picked the following 3 cards at random:
1) Green Tara (meaning: start delegating, don't try to be a superwoman, ask your partner for help),
2) Ostara (meaning: this card signifies pregnancy, it's an opportune time to make life changes), and
3) Freyja (meaning: make a bold life change, take a risk, appreciate your body). According to Doreen Virtue, based on the Law of Magnetic Attraction, the cards are attracted to a person's current thoughts & beliefs creating insight into the direction of relationships, careers, finances, health & other areas. The reading fit my life situation perfectly!
Tomorrow we'll be celebrating my husband's Mom's birthday & my passing of the boards. On Monday Yong will undergo the US Citizenship swearing-in ceremony. My hubby & I look forward to sharing this special day with her. The next person to become a US citizen in our family will be me!

Only 2 more weeks to go!

Today is week 38 of my pregnancy. I can't believe I am almost there! Our life is going to change forever in only 2 weeks! I have been experiencing a major nesting urge. During the last few weeks we have redecorated our house, washed all of the windows, pruned the trees, had a furnace check up, organized my office, washed floors & all of the inside doors & panels, cleaned out the fridge including freezer, ironed a pile of clothes left over from my school days, repotted & fertilized house plants, & prepaid our bills for October. The nursery painting & decorating was finished about 2 months ago. We have so many baby items, our 3-bedroom house seems a lot smaller all of a sudden!
I am feeling reasonably well. It has been an uneventful pregnancy with the exception of ankle swelling I've started to have last week. Good timing since my last day of work was last Wednesday! :-) Little Gerry is definitely dropping into my pelvis more (compare the photos of me wearing turquoise pajamas on 9/5/07 to today's photos). I can feel the ligaments stretching & pelvis widening. Although I am able to continue daily walking, I sure feel it in the mornings. It takes much slow breathing & position maneuvering to get out of bed due to sharp ligament pain in my groin.
I am frantically reading everything I can get my hands on about labor, postpartum & baby care (see my list of favorite pregnancy, labor & postpartum books below). I don't think I'll ever be ready, but reading helps to relieve my anxiety somewhat. I really place high hopes on hypnobirthing to assist me in natural labor, & have been listening to hypnobirthing CDs daily (see Pregnancy, Labor & Postpartum Resources below).
I had my 2nd labor preparation acupuncture session with Diana Ferdana today. Its purpose is to help open up proper energy channels & to improve the flow of stagnant chi (or energy) to facilitate the birthing process. I can't say enough about Diana's tuning fork, visualization, aromatherapy & Tibetian bowl techniques! My husband and I had our last of 7 Great Starts birth preparation classes last Tuesday. Look forward to seeing everyone's babies at the reunion sometime in November! We also had a birth planning meeting with our doula, Audra Sanderhoff, last Saturday. We have discussed our birth plan & preferences in detail, & I am confident in Audra's ability to help us achieve the best possible birth outcome. Last week we have toured the birthing suit at our hospital & had a car seat properly installed by a technician. All set to go!