Gerritt riding the Merry-Go-Round at the mall
Decorating the Christmas tree with Mommy
Sophia as a pink butterfly! Gerritt had a monkey outfit, however, wasn't in the mood to dress up that day.
On December 14th Sophia turned 7 months old. Again I am happy those first months are behind us. I am NOT a fan of the newborn stage at all. Sophia has quite a personality. Having an older brother around definitely has its advantages. It seems that she is catching on to things faster. She understands a lot, just is unable to express herself except through crying. For example, if I am feeding breakfast to Gerritt (oatmeal with milk), she looks at both of us with sad eyes & whimpers. She does the same thing if Gerritt is holding a TV remote or a phone & she happened to want it. I usually have to distract her with another object. If Sophia really wants something badly, she screeches loudly (an ear-piercing scream). Gerritt quickly learned not just to take a toy away from her, but to trade it for something else more exciting.
Sophia can sit all by herself now (no pillows) & can roll from her back onto her tummy easily. She then doesn't know what to do, but someone is always around to help her. Sophia loves to smile & laughs & kicks her legs when seeing my face at night & in the morning. She really enjoys watching "Your Baby Can Read" DVD almost daily. Gerritt can already read a few simple words such as car, pig, egg, & cat, so we'll see if Sophia will follow into his footsteps. Sophia doesn't have to be swaddled anymore (she has outgrown her swaddling blankets anyways) & wears her fleece long-sleeved pajamas when sleeping instead.
Sophia has had her 1st cold when she was 6 months old & had another one a month later. They were relatively minor & I didn't have to repeat the difficult experience of all-night humidifier, traumatic saline nasal irrigations, hourly awakenings at night, & having her sleep in semi-reclined position in a stroller (everything I've experienced with baby Gerritt who had a cold almost every month from birth to about age 8-9 months).
When Sophia turned 6 months old, I've started feeding her solid foods such as pureed squash, bananas, baked apples, & brown rice cereal. Many people in the US traditionally feed white rice cereal as their baby's first solid food. After tasting it & finding it completely tasteless & boring, I have introduced my kids to such whole grains as quinoa & buckwheat. At 7 months I've expanded Sophia's menu to include pureed soups that the family was having for dinner (for example, cauliflower/seaweed/potato & split pea) as well as avocados & sweet potatoes. I was worried that I was introducing some foods too early (too many different foods, food groups & spices at once), however, was really encouraged by this recent Baby Center article. The article was based on the original article from Pediatric News. Experts used to recommend holding off on commonly allergenic foods such as eggs, peanuts, fish & shellfish until at least age 1, however, research has not supported that late introduction of these foods prevents food allergies. Also, I've learned that the idea that babies should eat only bland foods is a myth. There is nothing wrong with livening up your baby's food with spices. Apparently, if I am not in the mood to prepare separate "baby" meals, she can eat the same foods I eat, providing that I am eating something healthy. The list of adventurous first foods for babies includes pureed sour cherries, plums, stewed meat, turnips, cauliflower, broccoli, bok choi, kale, brussel sprouts, fish, quinoa, & millet. What a novel concept!
Gerritt & Sophia really get along. There is hardly any sibling rivalry. Sophia just adores Gerritt. When she is awake, she watches his every move & her face lights up every time she sees him. Sometimes when Gerritt cries, she starts to cry in solidarity. Gerritt has accepted the fact that Sophia's needs come first surprisingly well. If I can't be available to him because she wants to be held or fed, he just accepts it & finds something else to do. He doesn't throw tantrums (except on the day when we brought Sophia home from the hospital) or gets angry when I say I can't hold/feed/play with him right at that moment. Maybe it is because Gerritt & Sophia are only 19 months apart? Or maybe it is due to Gerritt's easy-going personality. I keep reading about the "terrible twos," & I am convinced that Gerritt is experiencing a mild version of this developmental stage. Of course, he has the days when he says "no" to everything or throws himself on the floor with loud screaming & kicking, however, they are rare. To deal with the "terrible twos" I make sure Gerritt has regular meals, naps & bedtime; offer him choices ("Would you like to wear red t-shirt or blue one?" for example); try not to sweat the small stuff (it is not OK to cross the street by yourself, but it's just fine to splash water in the kitchen sink or "fold" laundry even if it creates more work for me), & strive for consistency in discipline (the same rule applies every time & no amount of crying will change it).
I was able to define my style of parenting only recently. I follow a cooperative rather than authoritarian style of parenting. I don't say "Do it this way because I said so," but "Let's figure out the best way to solve this problem together." Dolores Curran who wrote book The Traits of Healthy Families found that in healthy families no one family member is dominant & that corporal punishment of children produces long-term negative consequences on character & behavior. More recent research has even demonstrated that spanking reduces child's intelligence. I must admit I've spanked Gerritt twice. Both times were the times when I was sleep-deprived, irritable & needed to gain control of the situation quickly. I just didn't know what else to do. I have since promised myself to never hit my children again no matter what the circumstances are. I will never forget the look of disappointment, hurt & disbelief in Gerritt's eyes. My heart ached for him as I thought to myself, "There must be a better way."
Legendary Peggy O'Mara (Mothering Magazine's publisher, editor & owner) wrote this in her article "Instead of Hitting" (Mothering magazine, November - December 2004) & I agree with this statement wholeheartedly:
"It took me a while to get my sea legs & to realize that the control I achieved by spanking was an illusion. My children would learn to hide their bad behavior from me if I spanked them, but I could never ultimately control them, and they would learn to resent me. The only hope I had of truly "controlling" things - that is, of having my own needs met - was rooted in our relationship. It is ultimately the relationship of love & mutual respect that ensures socialized behavior."
So what are the alternatives to punishment, time-outs & spanking?
1. Point a way to be helpful.
2. Express strong disapproval without attacking character (I really had to work on stopping myself from saying, "Bad boy, Gerritt!").
3. State your expectations.
4. Show your child how to make amends.
5. Take action.
6. Allow your child to experience the consequences of his or her own behavior.
7. Sympathize with the child. Be compassionate but stick to your decision.
8. Give an early warning.
9. Give specific instructions. Tell what to clean up, not just to "clean up."
10. Ask your child if you can help.
11. Ignore some annoying behavior. Don't reinforce negative behavior by giving it too much attention.
12. Do nothing.
13. Tackle one problem at a time. Correct one behavior at a time.
14. Use your sense of humor.
15. Give yourself time to grow & change.
16. Be affectionate.
17. Make sure the children are getting enough sleep.
18. Use the Golden Rule for children. Do unto them as you would like to have done unto you.
19. Convey respect.
20. Overlook differences that don't really matter.
21. Don't do for your children what they can do for themselves.
22. Schedule family time.
23. Use "I" statements.
24. Don't reward inappropriate behavior.
25. Use encouragement & honest praise rather than blanket praise.
26. Stop & think before you act.
27. Don't make a big fuss over spills & accidents.
28. Acknowledge positive behavior.
29. Sometimes just listen & be sympathetic. You can be sympathetic to both sides.
30. Be willing to change your mind.
31. Say "yes" as much as possible.
32. Get support & inspiration as a parent so that you remember you have choices.
33. Continue to think of your child as an emotional equal & figure it out.
34. Just say "no" to spanking.
Yes, spanking is easy. Growing as a parent requires investment & work. Honestly, becoming a Mom made me a better person. The growing part doesn't ever stop & I am looking forward to rereading this year's blog 3-5 years from now to see what progress I've made. :-)
"When a child hits a child, we call it aggression. When a child hits an adult, we call it hostility. When an adult hits an adult, we call it assault. When an adult hits a child, we call it discipline." ~ Haim G. Ginott
No comments:
Post a Comment