Goodbye Charlie

Yesterday our beloved dog Charlie was killed by a car right in front of our house. It's 6:30 am & got up to write since I couldn't sleep. I don't know what else to do... I've cried so much my eyes are swollen & I cry every time I wake up. There is a big hole in my heart & I am trying to take it one day at a time. Charlie would have been 4 years old in September. His loss is the most painful experience of my life.
Charlie had his teeth cleaned with 3 being surgically removed due to gingivitis on Friday. He was slightly groggy on Friday afternoon & on Saturday was almost back to normal. I gave him a doggy Ibuprofen in the morning & he was his happy self rolling around in Gerritt's blanket & even trying to chew on his boney. I stocked up on soft dog food since Charlie couldn't have dry food for about 7 days. My husband & Gerritt were in Tacoma during the day on Saturday & when they got back home around 7:30 pm Charlie was so happy they were home & wanted to run outside to greet them. I let Charlie out of the door & then I saw a big dog walking on the opposite side of the street. I thought, "Oh, no!" & yelled, "Charlie! Charlie!" But is was too late. Charlie took off running towards the dog & was hit by a passing car. It happened so fast... We ran towards Charlie laying on the ground as the car drove off. He just layed there motionless. He had a glassy look in his eyes & I knew instantly he was gone. I put my hand on his belly to see if he was breathing & just felt quivering all over his body. I was hoping against hope that he was alive, but at the same time hoping he wasn't because if he was alive he would have been in a horrendous pain. I stood on the street screaming & crying in agony. My husband wrapped Charlie in his doggie bed (the one I hand-made him in Winter of 2006) & took him to the emergency vet who pronounced him dead.
Charlie has always ran after other dogs. He just couldn't help it - cats, dogs, squirrels - anything was a fair chase. He ran to the other side of the street many times before & we've always got lucky except yesterday. I can't believe he is gone forever... The house is so quiet without the sound of his little paws, his favorite spot on the couch is so empty & every time I look at his dog dishes I cry. His loss feels as real & as painful to us as loosing a family member.
Charlie became a member of our family in February of 2006 (our 1st Valentine's Day as a married couple) not long after we bought our first house together. We always knew we wanted to get a dog & my husband saw a perfect opportunity when he read an ad on Craig's list about a 1.5-year toy poodle looking for a new home. He drove to Olympia without ever seeing Charlie's picture to pick him up. When he brought him home, Charlie was a mess - dirty & full of fleas from lack of care. He was so dirty I thought his color was apricot. I vividly remember Charlie's first night at our house. He was scared & shivering. I wrapped him up in a blanket & held him close. When we went to bed that night Charlie walked around our bed whining since he wanted to sleep next to us, however, we didn't allow it. He slept on a doggie bed at the foot of our bed. The next day Charlie got his first grooming session after we had to call numerous places since many of them wouldn't take a dog unless we had proof of the rabbies vaccine. I was pleasantly shocked when I picked Charlie up - he was white! He only weighed 9 lbs & looked malnourished. The first few days at home were rough since I was working & going to graduate school. Charlie was at home by himself. We were afraid he would have an accident, so we put him in a utility room with a doggie gate up. Both days when I returned home I found Charlie sitting on a window sill of our kitchen shivering & whimpering. Apparently he jumped over the doggie gate, jumped up on a small table, then on the kitchen counter & sat on a window sill all day waiting for us to come home. Needless to say, after 2 days we thought the doggie gate was useless & creating more potential harm than good & just left Charlie in the house. I would rush home at lunch to take him out & to check on him. We didn't get the doggie door & fence installed for another couple of weeks. During the following months Charlie blossomed. After trying to have him sleep in his doggie bed over & over Charlie finally warmed his way into our bed permanently. We had 1 week of power struggles: we would put Charlie into his doggie bed, cover him up with a blanket, turn off the lights, then hear him walk around our bed & whimper & eventually jump on top of it. We would put him back into his bed, cover him up, have him jump back on our bed, then repeat x 10. Charlie wanted to be as close to his new family as possible so he kept trying until we gave up.
I remember taking Charlie for a walk outside for the first time. He got used to the leash right away, but was afraid of cars. Every time a car went by, Charlie would jump away. He got used to the cars fast & started to look forward to his walks. All I had to do was say the word "Walk!" & he would jump high in excitement.
Charlie was a special dog. He had many quirky & funny behaviors unique to him:
- He was so attached to me from the start he would wait outside the shower & whimper until I came out. Then he would proceed to lick the water off my feet & legs helping me to get dry. It took about 1.5 years for this behavior to go away. Charlie would still lick my husband after his shower but only because he got a piece of chicken jerky every time. It was funny because Charlie got lazy & would do only a couple of licks - just enough to get the jerky. :-)
- Charlie loved to lick my hands & feet. He just loved us so much it was his way of comforting us & making us feel good. The licking is not for everyone, but I believe it lowered our blood pressures & stress levels considerably.
- He loved to sit behind my back when I was working on a computer. He just wanted to be close at all times.
- Charlie loved walks outside & especially finding pine cones. He would see one laying on the ground & chase after it. Sometimes he would carry a pine cone in his mouth all the way home wanting to bring it inside.
- He loved chasing cats, other dogs & squirrels. All I had to do was to point & say "Charlie, where is the kitty? or "Where is the squirrel? Go find it!" to send him chasing around the bushes & trees. He didn't know his small size & would take running after big dogs. He came on strong, but all he wanted to do was to exchange a few sniffs.
- Charlie loved sleeping with us & especially between us & underneath the covers. It didn't matter how many times we moved him to our feet or to the side, when we woke up he was always between us. Sometimes he made a letter "H" (no wonder we ran out of room!) & others he would be sleeping on his back with his paws up in the air. It always made us laugh to see his back legs sticking out from underneath the covers. Charlie was a big snuggle bunny & stayed in bed as long as I was there even if it meant sleeping until noon.
- He loved playing with his toys. He would chase anything we would throw, however, he wasn't good at retrieving. He would run after the toy down the hall & then disappear into baby's room to chew on it without being interrupted.
- Charlie knew many simple words especially "Mommy" & "Daddy". All I had to do was to say "Charlie, Daddy is home!" & he would run barking to the window to check if it was true then to the door to run & greet him outside. Or if we saw another dog walking outside we would say "Rufff!" & Charlie would run to the window barking. If we said the word "Jerkey!" he would freeze temporarily (almost in disbelief he heard it right) & then make a mad dash to the kitchen to get the treat.
- He loved many of Mommy's favorite foods including cottage cheese, yogurt, salmon, fruits & vegetables (especially raw carrots). Charlie was a great beggar & I would often find his nose an inch away from my plate when eating in the armchair in the living room.
- Charlie loved going places with us, but unfortunately, he wasn't a good car rider. He would get car sick after being in a car 25-30 minutes. Poor thing, he just hated being inside his kennel throwing up.
- He was very affectionate & would often lick our faces especially after a prolonged absence. He was so loyal that he would sit on top of the armchair & wait for us while looking out of the living room window for hours on end. He never ate or went outside to go potty while we were gone.
Charlie brought so much joy to our lives & taught us about unconditional love. The world was so much brighter when he was around. No matter what happened during the day his happy smiling face would always cheer us up. Charlie has been with us through many of life's milestones including Gerritt's conception (yep, he was there on our bed), my water breaking & early labor (he was sleeping next to me when I was listening to my hypnobirthing CD during contractions) & Gerritt's first 10 months of life. From the time we brought Charlie to our home, we've rarely been separated. When I came home from the hospital after delivering Gerritt Charlie hasn't seen me for 3.5 days & was so happy to get me back. He was jumping up & down & squealing with excitement. I will always remember when I was learning to breastfeed Gerritt or had him sleeping in my arms, Charlie was so desperate to be close to Mommy he would jump up & lay on the buppy pillow, so I had Gerritt on one side & Charlie on the other.
Charlie's untimely passing reminded us not to take our loved ones for granted & to cherish every day together because you never know when you may lose them. He will be missed greatly...