My Postpartum Diary - The Fourth Week

Day 22 (December 21st, Wednesday)


Mommy & Jacob

All ready to travel

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders since I've decided to pump exclusively. I don't feel depressed about not being able to breastfeed. Plus pumping allows other family members & friends to help with baby care & takes only about half the time breastfeeding does. I am in the process of learning how to pump most effectively & without loosing my milk supply. For example, today I've learned that in order to increase one's milk supply it's really important to pump at night. It's best to pump at least twice between the hours of 12 am & 4 am since production of prolactin hormone is the highest during that time & will stimulate more milk production.


Jacob & my midwife Charlene

Gerritt & Jacob snuggling on the couch while waiting to see Charlene

Jacob & I had another appointment with Charlene & Kat today for our 3-week check up. Jacob is growing well. He weighed 9 lbs 10 oz! Charlene kept complimenting me on what a beautiful baby he was. Jacob didn't make a single peep during the whole visit, even when we undressed him to be weighed. He promptly fell asleep in Kat's arms while I was getting examined. Charlene checked my blood pressure, temperature & did blood work. Gerritt came along again & thoroughly enjoyed himself. After picking out & eating all of the M&Ms out of the granola mix, he announced he wanted to live at Charlene's house. :-)

Jacob asleep in the arms that caught him (Charlene's apprentice Kat)

Time for another weigh-in!

Day 23 (December 22nd, Thursday)

Today was my busiest day yet. In the morning I had my hair appointment for highlighting & cut. Although it took me forever to find the new salon & parking, the celebrity hair stylist turned out to be great. I immediately felt like myself again having the blond hair back! It's almost like I've left my old self behind & re-emerged as a newly baked mother of 3 children.
After hair appointment it was time for pumping & quick lunch. Then I was off for a chiropractor & my once-a-week massage appointment. Both felt great. I am convinced it would have taken me much longer to recover from birth without them. My shoulders & neck are achy due to frequent pumping & having to hold the pump flanges with both hands in an ackward position. I am thinking of buying a special bra to be able to pump hands-free, but I want to make sure I am going to stick with pumping for the long hall first.
I received my lecithin supplement in the mail today & immediately took the 1st dose. Hopefully, I will not experience any more plugged ducts.
There were more pumping & snacking in the afternoon. While the kids took their naps, I picked out Christmas outfits for them & myself. When they woke up we all took our nanny to the bus stop & then headed to the Redmond Town Center for our annual Christmas photo. It was our first outing with all 3 kids at once, & I can proudly say we managed it well.
There were some happy news from my Mom when we got back home. She passed her immigration interview today, which means she'll be arriving to Seattle sometime next week. I can't wait to show off Jacob to her. I am counting the days until her arrival!

Day 24 (December 23rd, Friday)


Jacob is snuggling with grandma Chris

It was a quiet night. Jacob went to sleep at 11:30 pm & woke up twice - at 1:30 am & 3:30 am. He then slept until 7:30 am. I've learned to get up while hearing Jacob's squirming & hand sucking & to feed him before he has a chance to fully wake up. After feeding I change his diaper. He's usually so sleepy, he rarely cries. After Jacob's diaper change I put him in a swing to keep him quiet while I pump. In the past I used to put Jacob next to me & give him my pinky to suck on if he cried, but that was challenging since I also had to hold the pump flanges on my breasts.
Today was our nanny's last day working for us. It was a bitter sweet day since she's been with us for almost 2 years & took care of Sophia since she was about 8 months old. We tried not to cry & not to say our final goodbyes. After all, she's only moving to Portland. My husband & I will probably visit it in a few months. We are already dreaming about taking an out-of-town trip with Gerritt while having Russian grandma take care of Sophia & Jacob at home.
Irina & I have decided to celebrate her last day by taking all of the kids to the Teddy Bear Suite at the Olympic Paramount Hotel. While it was fun, it also turned out to be an exhausting trip. We had a late start in the morning & arrived to the hotel at kids' nap time. It took me some time to find the hotel (I am directionally challenged, especially in busy downtown). Then it took forever to find parking. Once inside the hotel we had to stand in a long waiting line. It was also stuffy & hot. By the time we got inside the Suite Sophia was crying & asking for her "milky," Gerritt refused to pose for photos & Jacob was fussy & hungry. We managed to snap a few shots & then got out of there all sweaty & exhausted. It was more than 5 hours since I last pumped, so my breasts were hurting. It looks like I am developing another plugged duct in my right breast. I definitely need to limit the number of social outings to preserve my milk supply.
There was no rest once we got home. Both Sophia & Gerritt were grouchy since they missed their naps. Sophia fell asleep at once after receiving her milk bottle. Gerritt was too excited to nap so my husband put him to bed around 8 pm with lots of screaming, crying & threats to send his Christmas presents back to Santa.
I am looking forward to my Mom helping me to re-establish a consistent bedtime for the kids. Gerritt has been "hit" especially hard. Since we've started co-sleeping again, he doesn't go to bed until I do, which is around 11:30 pm or midnight. Jacob tends to be especially fussy in the evenings, refusing to be put down. It's pretty difficult to get ready for bed, pump, mix formula for the night feedings, straighten up the house, wash & put the dishes away, brush & floss kids' teeth, wash their hands & faces, read books, etc. & still be in bed by 10 pm. We'll get back to a healthy sleep schedule eventually, but it has only been 3 weeks since Jacob's birth.

Day 25 (December 24th, Saturday)


Today I made pancakes for the kids for the 1st time in a while. My nanny usually prepared breakfast for them every morning & then chased them around the house to make sure they finished it. I already miss her!

Jacob with his Korean halmeoni (grandma)

It's amazing how much quieter the house is with Sophia being gone. My hubby took her to grandma's house for the day while Gerritt stayed with me. Since Sophia is the loudest member of our family, the difference in our house's noise level is significant. Gerritt took a nap & then watched cartoons for the rest of the afternoon while I caught up on blogging & organized & edited a million photos I had stored. It's amazing how fast you can forget all of the little day-to-day details. I can hardly remember what happened 2 days ago, forget about remembering last week!
I also spent the day trying to catch up on my pumping sessions. The goal is 8-10 per day. I woke up in panic mode this morning after realizing I slept from 2 am until 8 am. It's definitely too long of a stretch to go without pumping. My husband watched Jacob last night & I had no incentive to wake up. Of course, I set my alarm, but continued to sleep after silencing it. Cumulative fatigue can do that to you. I think I will insist on having Jacob sleep with me from now on so I do have a reason to wake up at night. Mu hubby can still feed him while I pump to save some time & to decrease the amount of time spent out of bed.
I talked on the phone with my Mom today & searched for her airplane ticket on the internet. We are hoping for her to leave Russia at the end of December since my husband is going back to work on January 2nd. I can't imagine taking care of 3 kids by myself. I probably could, but not while getting up multiple times at night to feed the baby & pump. It's definitely too much for one person.


Sophia is becoming a chocolate lover like Gerritt!

We are trying to get Jacob used to a pacifier. He just learned to eat from the bottle a couple of days ago (without choking & gulping the milk), so a pacifier is the next step. He loves to suck on my pinky. While I don't mind, it restricts my freedom of movement (your arm can get numb from being held in a strange position) & is not very hygenic when we are out & about.
I just love staring at Jacob! He looks so healthy & content. He looks more like a "real" baby now, with fat rolls & all, instead of a skinny little guy he was right after his birth. He even has a double chin! He is like a little baby bird. I love how he "roots" & sucks on his fingers when hungry.

Day 26 (December 25th, Sunday)


Grandma Chris sent Jacob's Christmas stocking

My husband watched Jacob all night so I am well rested today. Too much sleeping is not such a good thing for my milk production. I last pumped at 1 am & then didn't pump again until 8 am! Without a baby to wake me up, I can easily dismiss the alarm. Ideally, I should be pumping every 3-4 hours at night.


Gerritt & Sophia playing with the tea set - the 1st Christmas present opened today

My husband went to Tacoma & picked up his Mom yesterday since it's been a couple of weeks since she's seen Jacob. Plus we wanted her to be here for Christmas. She spent last night at our house & was here for the Christmas present opening this morning. I've been able to enjoy today's morning as well. It's amazing how much help another pair of hands can be! I mostly took photos of the kids, cleaned up the wrapping paper, recycled paper gift boxes & kept toy parts from being scattered all over the living room.


One of Jacob's 1st smiles for Korean grandma

After last year's gift extravaganza we've limited this year's gift giving to 1-2 presents per child. The Xbox 360 & the Kinnect game were the gifts to ourselves. My hubby's Mom had a blast holding & admiring baby Jacob. He is definitely the most precious gift this Christmas! She also liked watching the kids open their presents & then dance. They always put on a dancing show for her, usually to Lady Gaga or Justin Bieber's music.


In the evening I searched & bought my Mom's airplane ticket. The best ticket I could find on such a short notice was the one with an overnight wait in Paris, France. My Mom will be flying from Russia on December 30th. I can't believe she's really going to join our family so soon!

Day 27 (December 26th, Monday)


Gerritt thought it was a great idea to dress his bear into Jacob's jumpsuit

It was another day filled with changing diapers, feeding the kids, pumping & trying to take care of myself in between (mostly to eat enough calories, take supplements & drink my special tea to produce enough breast milk). Since I watched Jacob last night & he didn't sleep for most of it, Gerritt & I didn't wake up until 11:30 am. Everyone's schedules are so off! With our nanny gone, the kids didn't eat breakfast until noon & they didn't have another meal until evening time (there were lots of snacks in between). Oh well... There is only so much we can do.
The kids didn't take their naps today. My husband had to run a few errands so I was at home with 3 kids by myself in the afternoon. He put Sophia down for her nap prior to leaving, but she didn't truly fall asleep & I found her playing with her toys shortly after. She pooped in her diaper & couldn't sleep, of course. Gerritt wasn't tired enough for a nap after waking up so late in the morning & without his daily trip to the park. Since he sleeps with me, he's now on my schedule of going to bed around 11:30 pm & waking up after 10 am.


Sophia took the stuffed animal dress-up to the next level!

Somehow I managed to pump with 3 kids requiring my attention & even took a shower (with Jacob protesting a little while in his swing). It's amazing how fast the time comes to pump again, even though it seems I just did it. I wonder how long I can keep it up? It can get quite boring at times, so lately I've been watching Russian pop & Justin Bieber videos on YouTube to entertain myself while pumping. With my husband being gone today, I had to hold the pump flanges with my left hand while Jacob sucked on my right hand's pinky. He's still not used to a pacifier & having something to suck on is the only thing that will keep him quiet (unless he's hungry or has a dirty diaper).
On a good note, my diligent pumping efforts are paying off. The amount of breast milk I pump has increased over the last few days. The biggest amount I've been able to pump was 22.75 oz/day in the 2nd week after Jacob's birth. Then it decreased to 14 oz/day for a couple of days the week after. I started to pump more frequently trying to increase my supply again (sometimes even hourly). As a result I pumped 19.75 oz for the past 24 hours!
Once my hubby was back I vacuumed the carpets & floors, cleaned the bathroom & gave Gerritt & Sophia a bath (I can't even remember the last time they had it). Sophia was fussy by then so it took a lot of effort to get her into the bath tub (a bottle of milk given once she was inside actually did it). I also made trips to Trader Joe's for groceries, Western Union to pick up some money my Dad sent me for Jacob's birth & then went to the bank. Then it was more of washing dishes, toy pick up & organizing the house. It seems all I do is change diapers, pump, clean & feed someone. One good thing that's coming out of this is that Gerritt is becoming a lot less dependent on me & can entertain himself.

Day 28 (December 27th, Tuesday)

A sleeping angel

Jacob is 1 month old today! I am glad the hardest month is behind us. The whole family had to make adjustments & it wasn't easy. I am grateful to have had a lot of help along the way. Now that I am fully recovered from birth I feel like I can handle anything. I am proud of not giving up breastfeeding completely & finding the pumping solution to give Jacob the best start in life. The gift of breastmilk is something only I can give him. Pumping takes real committment & I make it a priority. Sometimes everything else has to wait because it's my time to pump
If I thought I was a good organizer & multitasker before, adding a third child to our family tested my multitasking abilities to the max. Today was the longest time I was alone with the kids. My husband had to take care of a few things at our rental property & was gone from 1 - 5 pm. I managed to put Sophia & Gerritt to bed, make chicken soup, clean the house, pump & take care of Jacob in between.
Jacob is slowly growing on us. The fact that he started smiling a little over a week ago makes all the hard work worth it. My husband watched Jacob last night allowing me to sleep from 1-6 am. When I picked up Jacob at 6 am he gave me the biggest grin & my heart just melted. So I find myself cooing in a high pitched voice at all hours of the day & night. Jacob never cries for more than a couple of minutes because one of us always picks him up right away. When he cries he sounds more like a kitty cat than a baby. Sophia has the best hearing, & when Jacob makes the slightest peep, she yells loudly, "Baby is sad!" Gerritt is not concerned about crying Jacob any less & usually says, "Mommy, you need to pick up the baby NOW!"
I have to say that I am probably enjoying Jacob the most & absorbing as much of the baby phase as possible. I was too inexperienced & stressed to enjoy Gerritt & Sophia the same way. I am not too tired & overwhelmed this time to treasure every moment with Jacob & appreciate him for the little miracle he is.


Jacob & Daddy

I haven't taken off my fleece jacket since the day Jacob was born. I wear it during the day & sleep in it at night. It keeps me warm during the times I have to pump at night & during the day when I am at home or have to run errands. Who knew dressing could be so simple?
I am so happy I stuck to my committment of writing something every day for the whole month after Jacob's birth. I wanted to document all the little details of my post-partum recovery & my metamorphosis into a mother of 3. It wasn't easy to always find time to write, especially with so many other new responsibilities I acquired. But... somehow I did it!

Additional Resources:

1) The Hazy Transition to Motherhood by Bring Birth Home

My Postpartum Diary - The Third Week

Jacob absolutely refuses the pacifier, but loves to suck on my pinky

Day 15 (December 14th, Wednesday)

Last night was my most difficult night. Jacob absolutely refused to be put down. It was never ending cycle of feeding him, watching him fall asleep, then have him wake up the minute I laid him down in the bassinet or on my bed. My breasts were hurting due to bilateral plugged ducts & I knew I needed to pump more frequently to resolve them faster. Pretty challenging to do with a baby who doesn't want to leave my arms! Plus my husband got a really bad cold so he went to bed early & couldn't help much. Jacob cried even louder in a swing (this contraption is turning out to be useless). So I found the solution by putting Jacob next to me while pumping & giving him my pinky to suck on (he absolutely refused a pacifier when I tried) while holding the breast pump attachments with one hand. There were several more rounds of feeding Jacob & him pooping twice in between. I planned to go to bed at 10 pm, however, didn't hit the pillow until 3 am. :-( Needless to say I am cranky & exhausted today.
I stayed in bed for most of the day since rest is required in order for the plugged ducts to resolve & not progress to mastitis. I also followed the rigorous breast engorgement protocol I did on my 2nd post-partum day with the exception of 5" heat application to both breasts prior to pumping. Then I used cold raw cabbage leaves & ice for 20" in between pumping sessions. I also increased my fluid intake. Plugged ducts occur when milk gets "stuck" in one or more parts of a breast. I was in so much pain, I started to think about giving up breastfeeding all together. Especially after my husband asked me if it was worth it. I have a history of recurrent plugged ducts probably due to my inability to succeed at breastfeeding (I've always only pumped, & the pump is not as efficient at removing milk from the breasts compared to a baby). It's pretty frustrating to pump only to have very little milk come out.
I called the lactation specialist & made another house visit appointment for next Monday. Jacob will almost be 3 weeks old by then & I feel like the consultation session would be a lot more useful this time.
Thankfully, the plugged duct in my left breast resolved by the evening time. The milk all of a sudden started to pour out allowing me to drain 3 oz of milk at once (I usually only pump 2-3 oz from both breasts every 3 hours). My right breast is still red, hard & swollen. More icing tonight!

Day 16 (December 15th, Thursday)

I let Jacob cry for about 15" last evening. He started doing the same thing he did the evening prior, refusing to be put down. I didn't want to stay up until 3 am again, so I let him cry while I brushed & flossed my teeth, changed into my pajamas, washed the breast pump parts & otherwise got ready for bed. It was heartbreaking to hear him cry, but I had physical needs that needed to be taken care of. He promptly calmed down & fell asleep when I put him into bed next to me & gave him my pinky to suck on.
My last syringe I usually use for finger feeding Jacob broke today. I called the lactation hotline in panic asking where I could buy some more. Thankfully, I was able to find a breastfeeding supply store not too far from me. I got "lucky" because my husband was at home sick today so he went to the store & bought a couple of infant feeding kits (each kit includes a cup, a syringe & a feeding tube). The lactation specialist also advised I buy Medela Starter SNS (supplemental nursing system) which allows attachment of the tube at the breast while having a bottle of milk hang on your shoulder with milk slowly dripping down rather than pushing a syringe plunger with your finger. So Shon got this kit too. I should be all ready for my lactation specialist visit on Monday.
The plugged ducts in my right breast resolved today. My milk output on that side has decreased by about 40%. Hopefully, I can get it back up soon. I haven't drank my Prolactation tea for the past 2 days waiting for the plugged ducts to resolve. I probably need to restart the tea again, but I am nervous about having a recurrence. I did some research on trusted KellyMom & found out that dietary supplement lecitin can prevent plugged duct recurrence by acting as emulsifier & thinning out the fat making it easier to pass through the ducts. I ordered lecitin online right away. I've also decided to pump for 15-20" instead of 10" per session. I probably wasn't emptying my breasts enough. What a pain! All this could be solved if Jacob breastfed exclusively.


Our Christmas tree

My husband surprised us today be getting a Christmas tree. Always the deal scout, he found a beautiful tall Noble Fur tree for only $7! With all the stress we've had lately, it's so fun to have something festive in the house. The kids & I are looking forward to decorating the tree tomorrow.
I received a letter from my clinic about being laid off, just as I expected, since I passed on a full-time position last week. I am slightly relieved since I now have an excuse to take a job break for 6-12 months (with the exception of my once a week per diem hospital nursing job) to spend more time with Jacob & my other 2 children prior to looking for a new Nurse Practitioner job. Plus it's easier to focus on breastfeeding when I don't have to work 4 days a week.
I had another massage & chiropractic treatment today. What a night & day difference compared to 2 weeks ago! I remember being in so much discomfort then, I moved very slowly & almost cried during the adjustments.

Day 17 (December 16th, Friday)


A small miracle happened last night. Jacob slept from 12:30 am until 6:30 am! He didn't even wake me up in the morning. I woke up feeling unusually well rested. When I looked at the clock, I couldn't believe it was 6:30 am. The first thing I thought was, "He must be starving!" Jacob continued sleeping through my 30" pumping session. My breasts were overflowing with milk & felt very uncomfortable. I pumped a record 5 oz at once! I then woke Jacob up by changing his diaper. He continued sleeping for the rest of the day (with the exception of waking up briefly to eat every 3 hours). He was awake for about 30" in the afternoon & that was it. This is so refreshing after 2 days of barely having any time to myself because Jacob refused to be put down.


Sophia's 1st haircut


The little girl had to be bribed not with one, but two lollipops!

I had a good productive day today. Besides keeping up with my pumping sessions every 2 hours, I took our dog Sammy to the grooming salon in the morning. I also took Sophia for her 1st haircut at noon. She did pretty well after I bribed her with 2 lollipops I brought along with me. She only cried when the hairdresser blow dried her hair (I would too if I've never used a blow dryer before). Sophia got a necklace & My First Haircut card with a few locks of her hair. She was very proud of herself after all was finished.
I took a walk outside today. It was a beautiful warm day, so my toy poodle Maxie & I walked for about 20" (my first walk outside for the past 2 months). I did ok with the exception of my achy pubic area.


My two adorable assistants


Our Christmas tree all decorated

The biggest accomplishment was decorating our Christmas tree. The kids helped in the beginning & then I asked my husband to play with them so I could finish decorating the tree all by myself. I am very protective of the fragile Christmas ornaments so the fewer hands are handling them the better. Decorating took the last ounce of energy I had for the day, but it made me & the kids happy to have a beautiful fragrant Christmas tree in the house.


Gerritt giving Sophia a piggyback ride

I didn't make any attempts to latch Jacob on the breast today probably because I enjoyed having him sleep for most of the day. It was nice to get out of the house & do "normal" things. Exlusive breastfeeding would be a full-time job. Sometimes I am very tempted to try a bottle so someone else can take over the feedings. Perhaps in a few weeks...

Days 18 & 19 (December 17th & 18th, Saturday & Sunday)


Our toy poodle Maxie can be easily mistaken for one of the stuffed toys

With our nanny being off this weekend, all hell broke loose. Both Sophia & Gerritt refused to eat what was served at breakfast & lunch & then took over 2 hours to fall asleep for naps & at bedtime. Lots of crying, screaming, temper tantrums & frustration. With me pumping & finger feeding Jacob around the clock, most of the previously done by me childcare tasks were transferred to my husband. He doesn't tend to negotiate & doesn't have the same degree of patience that I do, so the kids rebelled. The whole family is going through a major adjustment phase. It seems that all we do is yell & reprimand the kids. :-(


Our cutie pie in one of his rare awake moments

Bedtime is the most difficult. Both Gerritt & Sophia have to sleep with Daddy. Gerritt tends to fall asleep quickly whereas Sophia tends to sing, count & talk loudly for up to 2 hours. She keeps Gerritt awake, so he's been more irritable from the lack of sleep since Jacob's birth. Several times I walked into my husband's bedroom only to find him fast asleep & snoring while the kids were still up laughing & playing.
I really miss taking care of Sophia & Gerritt. Jacob requires most of my attention & energy now & I catch myself going for days without hugging or kissing Gerritt & Sophia. I can't remember the last time Gerritt & I read books. We snuggled on the rocking chair one evening & dreamt about my husband watching Jacob at night so Gerritt & I could read books at bedtime like we used to. Bottlefeeding sounds very tempting.
I spent most of Sunday in pain due to plugged ducts in both of my breasts again. More Ibuprofen, breast massage, cold cabbage leaves, warm packs & pumping. I was feeling really irritated at not being able to remove much milk from my breasts & relieve the pain with all of my interventions. Also I couldn't hug anyone or even sleep on my side. Gerritt simply brushing against my chest would almost cause me to be in tears. Burping Jacob by laying him on my shoulder was very uncomfortable too.
On Sunday Jacob smiled for the first time! He didn't do it in his sleep or while daydreaming, but intentionally, while looking at me. I have to see if he does it again tomorrow, just to make sure I am not mistaken. My old midwife told me that babies would smile a lot sooner than the expected 6 weeks if more people smiled at them right from the beginning.

Day 20 (December 19th, Monday)

Gerritt slept with Jacob & me last night. He just decided he wanted to sleep next to me even with baby waking up & crying several times at night (he said he "didn't care"). Jacob was reasonably quiet & I took him out to the hallway for his diaper changes in the bassinet since he sometimes cries during those. Then he usually cries while waiting for his milk to warm up. I did the feeding & burping in bed. Thankfully, Jacob promptly fell asleep after each feeding & never woke up Gerritt. We didn't fall asleep until 11:30 pm, so all of us slept in until 10:30 am today. Everyone's regular schedules are definitely off.
I was so exhausted last evening, I fed Jacob with a bottle during the night time. I just didn't have the energy to do the finger feeding routine anymore. Every time Jacob wakes up, it takes me 1 hour to finish everything before I can fall asleep again. I have to change Jacob's diaper, finger feed him, then pump, record the pumped milk amount on a log, then wash all of the pump parts, hydrate myself & use the restroom. I also often check on Sophia prior to returning to my bed to make sure she is covered with her blanket & is not getting cold. Sometimes I also refill the humidifier with water so we don't wake up with dry stuffy noses. The list of things to do can get surprisingly long for the middle of the night.


The starter kit SNS

We had another home visit with a lactation specialist today (a different one this time). She taught me how to breastfeed Jacob using the nipple shield & the starter kit supplemental nursing system (SNS). The goals are to breastfeed Jacob with a nipple shield & SNS, then with a nipple shield alone, then directly at the breast. With two of us helping, Jacob latched using the nipple shield & suckled for the longest time ever thanks to the SNS squirting some milk into his mouth to keep him interested.


Best buddies

After the lactation specialist left, I tried to breastfeed Jacob using the nipple shield & SNS twice. It was a disaster! I couldn't get comfortable with the pillows; the nipple shield kept sliding off with baby's arms constantly trying to grab my breast; the SNS bottle was the wrong size & kept leaking all over me & the baby, & the milk flow from the SNS was too fast. Since the SNS bottle was too big, it couldn't be clipped to my clothes & I had to hold it with my neck causing it to cramp. I really needed another person to help me with the equipment, but my husband was gone to run a few much needed errands. So I ended up feeling frustrated & in tears again.


Sophia insisted on using the potty with all of her stuffed animals

On a good note, Sophia went pee on a potty twice today. I checked her diaper twice & since it was dry I encouraged her to sit on a potty while watching TV. Success! I showed her the pee, but it didn't seem to impress her much. I praised her regardless. Hopefully, this is the start of her potty training.

Day 21 (December 20th, Tuesday)

Jacob is 3 weeks old today! I feel I am just starting to get out of the post-partum "fog." It is not even hormonal or physical, but due to chronic sleep deprivation. I find myself slurring speech, having trouble making decisions & focusing. Since I am not practicing breastfeeding at night, my husband was able to take over at 4 am today & feed Jacob via bottle allowing me some uninterrupted sleep. I barely woke up in time for my dental appointment at 9 am today. Here I was at my dentist's office apologizing for stains on my clothes & somewhat unkept appearance. I almost fell asleep during my tooth cleaning. I have post-partum gingivitis again so there was some gum bleeding. Unfortunately, I also need to have a crown & a filling replaced. This has less to do with pregnancy & breastfeeding & more with poor dental habits in childhood. Thankfully, even with me being laid off from my clinic job, I have dental insurance coverage through January 31st. I also have another dental insurance through my husband's work, so our out-of-pocket expenses will be minimal.


I had to photograph Shon's swaddling attempt :-)

Gerritt slept with Jacob & me again last night. I held sleeping Jacob in my arms while I read books to Gerritt. It looks like we found a way to get back to our old routine! Gerritt's favorite books now are Knuffle Bunny by Mo Willems, Hickory Dickory Dock by Keith Baker & One Is a Feast For Mouse - A Thanksgiving Tale by Judy Cox. He's also in love with Justin Bieber! I've rented his DVD Never Say Never, & Gerritt now wants to watch it every night.
I took my 2nd since birth walk today with Maxie & Sammy. I still have mild ache in my pelvis (mostly pubis). I've developed constipation for the past 3 days despite drinking lots of water & maintaining a reasonably good diet. It's probably due to not getting any exercise & Ibuprofen I've been taking to relieve pain from the plugged ducts. Another hurdle to overcome.
This is our nanny's last week working for us. She's been with us for more than 1.5 years & helped to raise Gerritt & Sophia. Part of me is excited for my Mom moving to the US to live with us, but another part of me is sad for Irina leaving. This week I had Irina work from 8 am until 1 pm (kids' nap time), only because my husband is on his paternity leave for the next 2 weeks (or until my Mom arrives). I don't feel ready yet in any shape or form to take care of 3 kids by myself.
I am feeling more optimistic today. Rather than giving up breastfeeding completely, I am thinking of exclusive pumping to provide Jacob with benefits of breastmilk. Besides KellyMom, I found another good resource for women who pump exclusively - Got Breast Pump! Just when you think you've mastered all of the baby-related stuff, there is a new area to explore!

My Postpartum Diary - The Second Week

Day 8 (December 7th, Wednesday)


Jacob's first ride in a car seat

Today was a day of firsts. Jacob had his first real bath. He cried at first, but then quieted down, so I am assuming he enjoyed it. Jacob & I also left the house together for the 1st time to see my midwife for our 1-week check up. The outing was so refreshing! Gerritt told me yesterday he was sad I "didn't take him anywhere anymore." Poor thing! He doesn't have the life experience to understand that the newborn stage is temporary & started to get some of my "cabin fever." I took pity on him & allowed him to skip his nap in order to join me & Jacob at our appointment.


Jacob's 1 week check-up at my midwife's office

He truly enjoyed it since Charlene gave him chocolates, praised him for being a big brother & showed him a couple of interesting games. Jacob got weighed (he was 8 lbs 2 oz) while I got my blood pressure & temperature checked. We also practiced latching Jacob on my breast using the supplemental nursing system (a tube & a syringe) to help make him more interested in breastfeeding.


More flowers for Jacob & I

Today was the first day I felt more like my normal self in a physical sense. Although I miss all of Jacob's little kicks & punches, I am glad to be getting my body back. I am really looking forward to exercising again. I've been missing walks with our dogs Sammy & Maxie since I haven't exercised much during the last month of pregnancy.
Being cooped up in our house for so many days in a row with the furnace on I developed dry skin, chapped lips & dry bloody nose. I started boiling water on the stove & then after almost ruining my pots when water evaporated completely, I remembered I had a humidifier. Now I run it all day long. My skin is thanking me already.
I got so tired of getting cold when getting up in the middle of the night, I've decided to just sleep in my fleece pants & jacket. This way I don't freeze while waiting for my pumping session to finish. Plus I will be able to touch Jacob with warm hands which is a good thing.

Day 10 (December 9th, Friday)


My Prolactation tea

I got a nice routine going. When Jacob wakes me up in the morning, I change his diaper, then finger feed him & pump. Then I go to the kitchen & make my Prolactation tea as well as raspberry leaf/nettle leaf/oatstraw/alfalfa tea. I then have breakfast & take my supplements (making sure not to forget the most important one - my placenta capsules). I try to fit in a shower sometime in the morning. Taking care of Jacob & myself are priorities now since I need to get good nutrition & continue with the supplements to produce enough milk.
It was a sunny beautiful day today. I wanted to take the dogs walking, but then I layed down on the bed to rest for a few minutes after pumping & dozed off. I woke up about 30" later realizing I was still too tired & weak to tolerate our usual 25-30-minute walk outside. It's something to look forward to though!
I had another chiropractor appointment this morning. I am finally able to lay on my abdomen. My full of milk breasts were a bit uncomfortable to lay on, but the adjustment on my back felt so good!
Things are slowly getting back to normal. While Gerritt was gone to a movie (Cars-2) with our neighbor Rinku, I gave Sophia a bath. It's been a week since her last one (she absolutely refuses for our nanny to bathe her). I then decided to take a bath with Jacob. It seemed like a good idea to have him lay on my lap & on my chest for a nice skin-to-skin contact, but he screamed the whole time. He was so scared, he was shaking & turned all red from crying. Poor baby! He kept making a sad face & whimpering in the fretful sleep that followed the bath.
The HR person called me from my clinic. No part-time jobs were available, so they offered me a full-time spot in Bellevue. Of course, I turned it down. There is no way I can work full-time with 3 kids under the age of 5. I am expecting to be laid off soon, which is OK with me.


Rented Medela Symphony breast pump - my constant companion

After more than a week of pumping in the living room, I've made a smart decision to move my pumping station to my bedroom for the night time. This way, when Jacob wakes up I'll change his diaper, finger feed him, then pump while sitting on my bed. After washing the pump parts in the bathroom, I can go back to sleep.
We've also decided to get the baby bassinet out. It's the same one we used for Gerritt & Sophia. We always used to put Jacob on the couch or a rocking chair but it's nice to have a safe & comfortable place especially for him. The bassinet has wheels so I am able to move it next to my bed for the night time.
My husband bought a swing today off the Craig's list ad. We didn't think we needed one, but decided it was necessary after all. Sometimes Jacob cries in the middle of my pumping session. I can't really pick him up since I have to pump for at least 10" straight, so I am hoping to put him in a swing to keep him quiet while I pump.

Day 11 (December 10th, Saturday)


Finger feeding breastmilk using the SNS system

Good news! I pumped 5 oz of breastmilk (the most ever at one time) after sleeping from 3:30 am to 8 am (4.5 hours). It is good to know my breasts are capable of holding that much milk at once. I am keeping track of my pumping schedule & the amount of milk I produce to see whether I can increase my milk production while drinking the Prolactation Tea 3 times a day.
I am proud of myself for keeping up the pumping schedule this far, but it's getting tiring to do the double amount of work (pumping, then feeding Jacob, plus all the pump part washing/sterilizing). I definitely don't put Jacob on my breast enough. I am supposed to do it at every feeding, but it's easier in a way to just finger feed him so he can continue sleeping rather than unwrap his blankets, wake him up & then have him fuss at the breast.


Jacob with his big brother Gerritt

I tried the tube at the breast a couple of days ago & even with me squirting milk into his mouth, Jacob didn't get into a good sucking pattern. He usually sucks once or twice, then lets go & cries. Sometimes I pump right before Jacob wakes up so I feel I shouldn't put him to my breast if it's "empty."
With almost 2 weeks of around-the-clock pumping my usually flat nipples have become softer & easier to grasp. The plan now is to help Jacob associate breast with positive emotions, so I need to snuggle him at my breast even if no sucking occurs. Of course, I myself need to work on staying calm & relaxed. I am trying to visualize Jacob breastfeeding peacefully. I remind myself that latching is the last step in initiating our breastfeeding relationship. I have everything else already in place - an almost recovered after birth mother, breasts full of milk, softer/more pliable nipples & my commitment to breastfeeding. I almost wish I had a lactation consultant at my house for 24 hours, with her encouraging me at each feeding ("You can do it!") & making sure I give it a good try. I am debating whether I want to spend another $150 for an additional home visit. If my latching attempts don't work - probably. I've always regretted not trying harder when attempting to breastfeed my other children.

Day 12 (December 11th, Sunday)


My husband took the kids to grandma's house for the whole day. What a relief! Jacob & I watched a few movies on Netflix. I've also read a few articles on breastfeeding from KellyMom.
I am still concerned about not producing enough milk for Jacob. Good news! According to one of the articles, I need to aim for pumping 25-27 oz per day by 7-10 days postpartum. 11-17 oz/day is considered borderline & less than 11 oz/day is considered low. So far I've been able to pump 19 oz on day 9, 19.5 oz on day 10, 22.75 oz on day 11 & 22 oz on day 12. I pump 8-9 times per day & don't go longer than 5 hours without pumping at night. Tips for increasing breastmilk output include resting & relaxing as much as possible & having skin-to-skin contact (Kangaroo care) for at least 1 hour daily. It's a big commitment, but Jacob is worth it. I just hope I won't become someone who has to pump exclusively.


I found the following helpful suggestions for baby who won't nurse:

- Work on latching for up to 10" at a time & if baby is getting upset, make the sessions shorter
- If baby is really frustrated, it's a good idea to take a break (let baby suck on a finger, snuggle baby on mother's chest or hand baby to Dad)
- Take the edge off baby's hunger by offering him a little supplement (0.5 oz) at the beginning of a feeding
- Have lots of skin-to-skin contact & offer the breast often
- "Seduce" your baby to the breast, do not force breastfeeding


Jacob & I did some skin-to-skin snuggling today. It's harder to stay warm (it's December after all!) so I have to cover us up quickly. I've read most babies would be able nurse by 4-6 weeks after birth. I am keeping my fingers crossed!


Day 13 (December 12th, Monday)

This early morning I woke up in a wet bed (!). I get so cold getting up in the middle of the night that I made myself a hot water bottle. I must have not put the cap on tightly enough because the bottle leaked all over my pants & bed. Not fun! Together with my hot water bottle I also use an electric heating pad to put over my back when I am pumping at night. If we have a baby again, I will make sure he/she is born in summer time. I am tired of getting cold!


Not much happened today. My days & nights are starting to blend together. The highlight of my day was getting out of the house for a few minutes to take our nanny to the bus stop. I am still too weak to go anywhere for a longer outing, plus I am pumping every 2-3 hours. I am a bit nervous about going for a haircut & highlighting appointment next week. Usually that takes around 3 hours, plus the driving time. However, I need this appointment badly. I've underestimated the speed of my hair growth & with Jacob being 1 week "overdue," my hair is in desperate need of some highlighting & styling.


I can't stop marveling at the perfection of Jacob's toes

Jacob still sleeps for most of the day allowing me ample time to pursue one of my favorite hobbies - blogging. He is starting to "fill out" more & is getting less jaundiced. He loves to stretch & is getting better control of his arms. I've tried to latch him on this morning & he had a few good sucks. I just can't bring myself to do it at every feeding. I would spend the whole day doing just that. Plus, I am afraid to get behind in my pumping schedule & loose my milk supply. I am probably a little obsessed about preserving it.
I've ordered a few books & CDs from the library. I need something entertaining to look forward to. Most of all, I am counting the days until my Mom arrives to live with us from Russia (sometime after Christmas). I will probably return to my per diem hospital nursing job in about 4 weeks (only once a week, however), so she needs to learn as much as possible about the care of her grandchildren.

Day 14 (December 13th, Tuesday) - Jacob is 2 weeks old!


More pumping & finger feeding today. Tried to latch Jacob on only once - too much work. I think the whole house is covered in my breastmilk including bed sheets, recliner chair & my clothes. I stopped wearing the nursing bra. It's more convenient to just wear a cotton shirt & my fleece jacket that opens in the front for easy access.


I gave Jacob his 2nd bath today & he didn't cry this time. My nanny took some photos of Jacob & me. I also experimented with my camera to take a few photos of Jacob with Gerritt & Sophia.


I am starting to feel pretty bored. The same daily routine is getting to me. Thank goodness, my husband watched Sophia & Jacob in the evening while Gerritt & I went grocery shopping at Trader Joe's & then made a trip to the library to pick up a few books & CDs. It's amazing how Christmas singing by Mariah Carey can cheer one up!


I got the dreaded plugged ducts in both breasts today. :( So more cold Booby Tubes, cabbage leaves & frequent pumping. I definitely need to get more rest. Jacob sleeps a lot even though it's in short stretches. I probably do too much internet surfing to get enough sleep. It's just that sleeping feels like a waste of time when there are so many fun things I could be doing.


My husband is insisting I choose a "push present" at Tiffany's even though I told him I didn't need anything. So I am going to check out Tiffany's website tomorrow for some pretty earrings or a necklace. :-)